“Fire Island” – everything you want & need from a modern-day rom-com

Posted on June 3, 2022 by Denise

“I gave you unrestricted access to our room for TWENTY SEVEN MINUTES. What the fuck were you doing?”

Story: BFFs Noah and Howie (Joel Kim Booster and Bowen Yang, playing fictionalized versions of their true selves) head to their yearly summer week at Fire Island, to relax, have fun, and reconnect with their chosen family, headed by unofficial matriarch Erin (Margaret Cho). But when Howie starts to crush on Charlie, a wealthier-than-thou guy, Noah gets bad vibes from Charlie’s BFF Will. Hey; it’s a truth universally acknowledged that when a bunch of single men of good(?) fortune get together at Fire Island, misadventure – and love(?, Pt2) – won’t be wanting. Or something like that.

Genre I’d put it in: Fun Inclusive Rom-coms Perfect For Summer Viewing
Release Date: 2022
Remake, Sequel, Based-On, or Original: Loosely based on the novel Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen.

Gotta say: Before I get into this review I want to let you know that while I am not a gay dude, this film has all the things that would make me predisposed to absolutely love it. Austen riff? Check. Gorgeous beachy location? Check. Margaret Cho and Bowen Yang? Checkity check. Now let’s break down why I think you’d like this movie. Ready? Let’s go.

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Freaky Fridays – “The Sadness”!

Posted on June 3, 2022 by Denise
Horror, Cult Movies, Exploitation Cinema, 70s Schlock, and more! Let’s start the weekend off by getting freaky! Or something like that…

“To politicize a virus is a terrible mistake!” [#OhMy2020]

Genre: Probably Beyond Your Boundaries Horror
Year Released: 2022
Where I Watched: Shudder

Synopsis: Jim and Kat are young, in love, and have a pretty sweet flat in Taiwan. But this morning, as Jim scooters Kat to the train station, they go by a violent traffic altercation. When Jim passes by again? Everyone is gone, and the cars are abandoned, doors open. Then the whole city goes literally insane in a snap…could this be due to a mutation of the pandemic that’s been plaguing Taiwan of late, affecting infected individuals ala rabies? Well now, that’s just soy-lib poppycock. Right? Sure. But Jim and Kat are trying to get to each other anyway, so let’s hope all the blood, perversion, and disturbing attacks are just fake news. (Yes, there are parallels to real world attitudes in this film. I just wanted to hit you over the head with that bit.)

Fabulous or Frustrating?: This is the only film on Shudder where I’ve noticed a note warning viewers of “graphic and extreme violence/gore“. And they mean that shit. As this film was influenced by Garth Ennis’ extreme horror comic Crossed? I decided to finish my lunch before hitting play on this one. Because less than ten minutes in, little things start get creepy. A touch of blood here, police restraining a bloody woman there… Then BOOM. By the fifteen minute mark, you’re in the splash zone, baby.

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Baltimore Screening Pass-palooza – “Jurassic World Dominion”!

Posted on June 1, 2022 by Denise

Ready to see our modern world overrun by dinos? Me too, y’all. Synopsis!

From Jurassic World architect and director Colin Trevorrow, Dominion takes place four years after Isla Nublar has been destroyed. Dinosaurs now live—and hunt—alongside humans all over the world. This fragile balance will reshape the future and determine, once and for all, whether human beings are to remain the apex predators on a planet they now share with history’s most fearsome creatures.

Ready? Let’s go!

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“Jazz Fest: A New Orleans Story” – a beautiful tribute to a legendary festival

Posted on May 28, 2022 by Denise

“There’s nothing like playing the New Orleans Jazz & Heritage Festival. Nothing like it in the world.”

Story: An up close and extremely personal look at the 50th anniversary of the New Orleans Jazz & Heritage Festival, aka Jazz Fest, the history of the festival, and everything that makes it spectacular.

Genre I’d put it in: Groovy Documentaries
Release Date: 2022
Remake, Sequel, Based-On, or Original: Focuses on the New Orleans Jazz & Heritage Festival, aka Jazz Fest.

Gotta say: Directors Frank Marshall and Ryan Suffern make sure you get the vibe of this Fest from the jump, with an eclectic, frenetic style of cuts and edits that sweep you in without getting you dizzy… Though you might get hungry, as there’s a lot of food tossed right into your face, and that’s just in first five minutes. So what I’m saying is, you should definitely prep before you settle in to watch this, and prep in theme. NOLA munchies, your favorite beverage in a hurricane glass, heck, wear some beads. Because Story is a visual feast, and getting into the spirit is just another way to really enjoy the ride.

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Freaky Fridays – “See For Me”

Posted on May 27, 2022 by Denise
Horror, Cult Movies, Exploitation Cinema, 70s Schlock, and more! Let’s start the weekend off by getting freaky! Or something like that…

“Apps, download See For Me.”

Genre: Not So Helpless Horror
Year Released: 2022 (film fests 2021)
Where I Watched: Shudder

Synopsis: Sophie Scott was a pro skier until she lost her sight. Though her BFF/trainer offers to help her get back on the slopes as her seeing guide (yes this exists IRL and that’s fucking awesome), she’d rather petsit, and do a little grifting on the side. But when her current kitty gig is interrupted by thiefs that break in? Time to ask her phone app See For Me to get her out of this jam…alive.

Fabulous or Frustrating?: It’s easy to call this “Hush, but she’s blind instead of deaf”, or “a modern day retelling of Wait Until Dark“. But this gal is a whole lot more self-serving than those ladies… And it’s refreshing to have a disabled protagonist who isn’t 100% Angel Baby. And Skyler Davenport absolutely sells Sophie’s many, many facets beautifully. I was rooting for her survival even when I was shouting “ARE YOU SERIOUS GIRL” at the screen.

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TrailerWatch – “Thor: Love and Thunder”

Posted on May 23, 2022 by Denise

IT’S HEEEEERE! And we’ve got more Thor! Korg! Jane! And a first look at Christian Bale’s ominous Gorr the God Butcher. This movie is gonna throw a lot at us, but unlike Madness, it looks like director Taika Waititi knows where his story is going. THANK THE GODS.

Thor: Love and Thunder hits theaters July 8th, 2022.

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“Downton Abbey: A New Era” – gorgeous, but lacking that je ne sais quoi

Posted on May 20, 2022 by Denise

“Oh dear. There’s only one reason old ladies summon their lawyers.”

Story: Returning to our favorite bunch of aristocrats and their family of choice, the Earl of Grantham’s former son-in-law Tom is marrying again, to sweet (and in the last film, surprise) heiress, Lucy Smith. Meanwhile, Dowager Countess Violet finds the inheritance of a French villa she’d put off as a joke is indeed true, now that its owner has passed. At the estate, Lady Mary must contend with a film crew that wishes to use Downton as a location, inside and out. How will the old guard deal with new tech? How will the staff deal with movie stars? And why is Violet acting so suspicious? Tune in, won’t you?

Genre I’d put it in: Gorgeous Historical Soap
Release Date: 2022
Remake, Sequel, Based-On, or Original: Based on the TV series by Julian Fellowes

Gotta say: I loved Downton Abbey when it was a TV series. I even enjoyed the 2019 film. But Era, while giving me a lovely look back at the characters I’ve come to adore, feels like a ship that can’t seem to keep the wind in its sails. The myriad of plots and subplots – a riveting mainstay in earlier iterations – feel forced, or even a bit…cramped? Yes. Cramped.

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In Queue Review – “Senior Year”!

Posted on May 18, 2022 by Denise

“Once you’ve blown someone’s dad, you realize they’re not that scary.” [Wow that sounds absolutely batshit out of context.]

Genre: Time-Jump Fish Out Of Water Crazyness
Release Date: 2022
Where I Watched: Netflix

Gist: Stephanie Conway was a new kid joke…until she became the most popular girl in high school. But a sabotaged cheer stunt put her in a coma for twenty years. Now that she’s awake (and 37), she’s determined to live out her high school dreams, in the hope that that will give her The Perfect Life going forward. She did it once, she can totally do it again. Right? Absolutely. No problem with changing times or anything. Carry on.

Talky talk: Is this movie good? I mean, totally not, duh. It’s cliché AF and kinda simplistic, with “twists” that can be spotted a mile away. But there are moments where this hits my Aughts nostalgia, while mixing in 20s sensibilities, making me love it. Even though the leftist stereotypes are cranked to eleven in a way that’s really annoying – does anyone but extreme conservatives believe this level of “woke” sillyness?

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Baltimore Screening Pass-palooza – “Top Gun: Maverick”!

Posted on May 18, 2022 by Denise
Before hitting the multiplex, please consider the health risks involved with participating in group gatherings at this time. Take very good care of yourselves – I wanna see you on the other side.

Ready to see what Tom Cruise’s Top Gun character has been up to since the original film? Synopsis!

After more than thirty years of service as one of the Navy’s top aviators, Pete “Maverick” Mitchell (Tom Cruise) is where he belongs, pushing the envelope as a courageous test pilot and dodging the advancement in rank that would ground him. When he finds himself training a detachment of TOPGUN graduates for a specialized mission the likes of which no living pilot has ever seen, Maverick encounters Lt. Bradley Bradshaw (Miles Teller), call sign: “Rooster,” the son of Maverick’s late friend and Radar Intercept Officer Lt. Nick Bradshaw, aka “Goose.”

Ready? Let’s go!

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“Firestarter” (2022) – barely a spark

Posted on May 12, 2022 by Denise

“Daddy, something feels wrong in my body…. The bad thing.”

Story: 11 year old Charlie McGee’s parents really love her. And they’re also suffering from the after-effects of signing up for a weird Government test that enhanced their psychic abilities. So guess what Charlie can do? (Um, poster. Movie title.) Now that that shadowy government office knows where Charlie is, they want her. Y’know, for completely innocent reasons. Cue the pyrotechnics!

Genre I’d put it in: Interesting Remakes That Tank Quickly
Release Date: 2022
Remake, Sequel, Based-On, or Original: Based on the Stephen King novel of the same name. A remake/reboot of the 1984 film.

Gotta say: So. Here we are, you and me. And this film is something that exists now. Well, I’m not going to scream and cry about how this movie changes so much of the overall story of King’s book and the ’84 movie. That’s giving this movie too much power. I’m fine with Blumhouse doing Blumhouse things, and then rolling the dice. Blumhouse is going to do, what Blumhouse is gonna do, but I just wish that what they did here was at least halfway decent.

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