#31in31 – Zombeavers

Posted on October 20, 2015 by Denise
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Synched with the 31 Day Horror Movie Challenge

Oct 8 zombeavers“This doesn’t make any goddamn sense!”

Story: Zombie. Beavers. In the Woods. People stumble on them. Hilarity ensues.

Scares: Not really, unless you’re new to this genre.

Splat factor: From scene one there’s gore literally dripping all over the place…but things don’t get overly wet. Just the right kind of gross.

Closing scene “shocker”?: Nope, but there’s a bit of a twist two-thirds of the way in.  And make sure you stay for the end credits lounge lizard-y theme song, and the post credits scene that leaves room for (ulp) a sequel. Continue reading →

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Man Crates: What’s in YOUR horror movie survival kit?

Posted on October 19, 2015 by Denise

man crate boxSo many ways to get stuff over to your humble abode. From groceries to geekery, maple syrup to movies.  But what about getting you out of a rough spot?  Well, I’ve just found out about Man Crates, “The Most Awesome Gifts in the World”.  Hey, these gifts for men (though I think women can get on this too) come in an actual crate, and have to be opened by an actual crowbar!  I’m digging that.

The folks at Man Crates asked me what I’d put into a crate for an Essential Horror Movie Survival Kit.  Hey, I’m the gal that knows you don’t run from the killer, you hide and make that creepy thing come to you where you’ve got the high ground.  So, what would I put into my Horror Movie Crate?  Easy.  I’ve got a Top 10 handy.

Read on for my list, and a groovy bit of info from Man Crates on how they’d survive as well! Continue reading →

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Trailerwatch: “Freaks of Nature” red band trailer – vampires vs. zombies?

Posted on October 19, 2015 by Denise

freaks of nature“At this point fuck it, right?”

Vampire vs. Zombies.  Sounds a lot like Max Brooks’ The Extinction Parade comic book series, or Bobby Crosby’s Last Blood webcomic,  to me. But with a horror/comedy twist.  And also, aliens.  Too much?  You decide.  Synopsis!

In Freaks of Nature, we welcome you to Dillford, where three days ago, everything was peaceful and business as usual: the vampires were at the top of the social order, the zombies were at the bottom, and the humans were getting along in the middle.  But this delicate balance was ripped apart when the alien apocalypse arrived in Dillford and put an end to all the harmony. Now it’s humans vs. vampires vs. zombies in all-out, blood-sucking, brain-eating, vamp-staking mortal combat – and all of them are on the run from the aliens.  It is up to three teenagers – one human, one vampire, and one zombie – to team up, figure out how to get rid of the interplanetary visitors, and try to restore order to this “normal” little town.

Gotta say the trailer is pretty funny.  And who doesn’t love Denis Leary going full-on badass?  Alright; count me in for checking out this monsterpalooza.  Peep the TOTALLY RED BAND SERIOUSLY I’M WARNING YOU trailer below. Freaks of Nature opens October 30th, 2015. Bwa-ha-ha!

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#31in31: Crimson Peak

Posted on October 19, 2015 by Denise

crimson peak onesheetStory: Edith Cushing (heh), a young woman with dreams of being a ghost story writer, suddenly falls in love with a dashing but mysterious man. When she moves from the USA to the UK to be with him, things slowly fall apart.  Probably because bloody, disfigured ghosts come calling.  Edith probably shoulda married that nice doctor fella instead.

Scares: Not many true scares, but a lovely creepy feel throughout.  And the climax is rip-roaring fun.

Splat factor: Ghostly apparitions seem to drip blood, but it’s the house’s crimson clay that’s really the deal here.  But there is red stuff too, including a particularly gruesome death early on in the film. Continue reading →

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#31in31 – The Babadook

Posted on October 18, 2015 by Denise
31 in 31 logoSynched with the 31 Day Horror Movie Challenge

Oct 18 The Babadook“Happy Birthday, sweetheart.”

Story: A woman who lost her husband the day her son was born tries to move on with her life.  She’s failing.  But perhaps reading her son a bedtime story will help.  What’s this “Mr. Babadook” book, and how did it get in our house?  Ba-ba-ba… dook! Dook! DOOOOOKH!

Scares: Plenty.  This film is not only creepy as hell, its got psychological terror to boot.

Splat factor: Practically zero.  Okay, one decapitation.  But otherwise, this film focuses on the chills rather than the cerise.

Closing scene “shocker”?: Nup.  Well okay, not really.  Pizza for everybody!

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: Wholly original.

Trick or Treat?: Atmospheric, claustrophobic, effective, and scary as hell. Continue reading →

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Baltimore Screening Pass-palooza: Our Brand is Crisis!

Posted on October 17, 2015 by Denise

our brand is crisis onesheetAwards Season Onslaught continues!  Today, I’ve got passes for the Baltimore area screening of Our Brand is Crisis.  It’s a film based on the award-winning 2005 documentary of the same name.  You’ve seen the trailer, right?  Very cool blend of drama, comedy and docu-pic.  Aaaaand…synopsis!

A Bolivian presidential candidate failing badly in the polls enlists the firepower of an elite American management team, led by the deeply damaged but still brilliant strategist “Calamity” Jane Bodine (Sandra Bullock).  In self-imposed retirement following a scandal that earned her nickname and rocked her to her core, Jane is coaxed back into the game for the chance to beat her professional nemesis, the loathsome Pat Candy (Billy Bob Thornton), now coaching the opposition.  But as Candy zeroes in on every vulnerability—both on and off the campaign trail—Jane is plunged into a personal crisis as intense as the one her team exploits nationally to boost their numbers.  Dramatic, rapid-fire and laced with satire, “Our Brand is Crisis” reveals the cynical machinations and private battles of world-class political consultants for whom nothing is sacred and winning is all that matters.

As interesting as the premise is — and it is fascinating stuff — I’ve gotta say I’m in it to see the interplay between heavy-hitters Bullock and Thornton.  Should be very cool indeed.

So, passes anyone?  Bueller? Continue reading →

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#31in31 – Wyrmwood: Road of the Dead

Posted on October 17, 2015 by Denise

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oct 5 wyrmwood

“What did we learn? “NEVER GET OUT OF THE TRUCK!”

Story: Aww, shooting stars in the Australian sky. So pretty. Hey, where’d these zombies come from? And why is that creepy scientist “looking for a cure” just as scary?

Scares: More of a zombie slaughterfest.

Splat factor: Big. On a scale of 1 (Pride and Prejudice) to 10 (Dead Alive), this clocks in at a respectable 7. It’d be higher but several scenes are night shots. Not conducive to crystal clear splatter.

Closing scene “shocker”?: Nope. Thank goodness. The ending is satisfying as hell. Continue reading →

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Baltimore Screening Pass-palooza: Jem and the Holograms!

Posted on October 16, 2015 by Denise

jem onesheetJem!  If your left hand just shot up into the air, you’re either an 80s kid (yayz) or you have excellent retro taste.  As with all things cool and retro, there’s a film version of this beloved animated series. And you guessed it; I’ve got passes for my Baltimore peoples.  Synopsis!

As a small-town girl catapults from underground video sensation to global superstar, she and her three sisters begin a one-in-a-million journey of discovering that some talents are too special to keep hidden.  In Universal Pictures’ Jem and the Holograms, four aspiring musicians will take the world by storm when they see that the key to creating your own destiny lies in finding your own voice.

Directed by Jon M. Chu (Step Up series, G.I. Joe: Retaliation), the musical adventure stars Aubrey Peeples, Stefanie Scott, Aurora Perrineau, Hayley Kiyoko, Ryan Guzman, Molly Ringwald and Juliette Lewis.  Jem and the Holograms, based on the iconic Hasbro animated TV series, is written by Ryan Landels and produced by Chu, Jason Blum for Blumhouse Productions, Scooter Braun for SB Projects, Bennett Schneir, and Brian Goldner and Stephen Davis of Hasbro Studios.

As Jon M. Chu has done great work with music and dance with Step Up (no seriously; there’s no possible way you can keep from digging on the moves in those films.  LIAR), this could be groovy.  I’m not entirely sure about the revamp story…but hey.  It’s Jem!  (JEM!)

Passes?  Right this way… Continue reading →

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Nutshell Review: Bridge of Spies

Posted on October 16, 2015 by Denise

bridge of spies onesheet Bridge of Spies is just like the other Hanks/Spielberg joints; a feel-good film dressed in historical detail and accuracy.  While folks that didn’t live through the late 50s/early 60s Berlin conflict may find the start of the film a bit rushed, Bridge soon finds its footing and becomes a stellar performance-driven film.

Are things tidied up a bit too nicely at the end, as Spielberg is wont to do?  Oh, that’d be spoilers, darling.  But let’s just say that there’s enough true-life feel throughout the tale to keep things believable, with a touch of humor to keep things from feeling too bleak.  And the ever-likeable Hanks manages to do the impossible; make an insurance lawyer look like one of the good guys.  Grade: A-

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#31in31: WaPo’s “Where to live if you want to survive the zombie apocalypse”

Posted on October 16, 2015 by Denise
31 in 31 logoAnd now for something completely different: zombie prep!
WaPo Zombie Survivability

East Coast, we’re screwed. (Graphic: Christopher Ingraham/The Washington Post)

It’s one thing to think you’re prepared.  But all that prep isn’t gonna do squat for you if you’re in city-central when the zombie apocalypse (Zombalypse?) hits.  So in its effort to be all things to everyone, The Washington Post wrote a piece on the safest places to be if the dead start to shufflin’.  And it’s actually pretty cool.*

Though the image above shows the east coast and most major cities as Zombie Central, heading over to the original piece gives you the ability to choose things that are the most important to you:

  • Population Density
  • Access to guns
  • Veteran population
  • Landscape features
  • Access to bodies of water

G’head, play with it!  Christopher Ingraham is a genius.  GENIUS I SAY.

Ingraham’s article also has links to cool stuff like Cornell’s research model of a zombie outbreak — with further details on that bit(e) of interactive coolness — as well as scads of info on the items he decided were integral to surviving a Zombalypse.  Yeah, that word is growing on me.

Wanna see my particular chart?  Here you go: Continue reading →

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