31 in 31: Cockneys vs Zombies

Posted on October 21, 2014 by Denise

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c vs zStory:  A group of pathetically stupid (but hilarious) bank robbers try a heist.  Meanwhile, zombies are popping up around the old folks home.  How are these two disparate groups gonna survive the apocalypse?

Scares: A few nice chills and Day of the Dead-like suspense bits, but mostly this is played for laughs.

Splat Factor: Zombie movie.  So, yeah.  There’s even a few splats onto the camera lens once or twice.

Closing scene “shocker”: Nope!  Yayz!

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul): I know, I know; you’ve seen tons of zombie movies.  And yeah, this feels like a mashup of Grabbers  and Shaun of the Dead. (Note to self: review Shaun of the Dead.) But this one’s original.

Trick or Treat:  A definite treat y’all.  Ever wonder what would happen if the East End of London got overrun with zombies?  Well, while Shaun was taking care of things in King’s Cross, this gang of misfits and senior citizens have things covered for the Bow-bells.

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31 in 31: The Sacrament

Posted on October 20, 2014 by Denise

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the-sacrament_612x907Story: Remember the Jonestown Massacre? Well, The Sacrament is Eli Roth’s weak attempt to make that tragedy into a horror movie.

Scares: Not a one. A decent sense of dread in the beginning, but then it all peters out.

Splat factor: A few drops of blood, but otherwise, it’s all death by Kool-aid. Yawn.

Closing scene “shocker”: Surprisingly, no.

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul): Though this feels like a Jim Jones docudrama, this is an original.

Trick or Treat: Just like Jonestown Kool-aid, this bait and switch film is deadly disappointing.  The film starts out promising: moronic Williamsburg hipsters head outside of the USA and onto a compound full of of religious cultists, in search of the sister of one of the hipsters. Yet, these chuckleheads act like they’re entitled to be assholes, asking pompous questions and poking around even though there are armed guards around and things don’t seem kosher. They warm up to the compound though, but then a little girl passes them a note, “please help us”. That’s all you get as far as slow buildup and chills; the next morning? Hey, Kool-aid!

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31 in 31: Ghidorah, the Three-Headed Monster

Posted on October 19, 2014 by Denise

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ghidorahStory: A princess takes a trip to Japan, but her plane blows up.  Later, a woman that looks just like her is on the streets of Japan, warning everyone of upcoming monster invasions.  What’s going on?  Who cares — bring on the kaiju!

Scares: Terrifyingly bad dubbing, if you’re not watching the subtitled versions.  Otherwise, it’s a monster-iffic cake walk.

Splat Factor: Godzilla series = Zero.

Closing scene “shocker”: All rainbows and unicorns, no surprises here.

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul): This is the 5th film of the Toho Godzilla series, but it’s the first time Ghidorah hit the silver screen.

Trick or Treat: Ghidorah, the Three-Headed Monster (aka Ghidrah, when the USA got hold of it) is the first all-out monsterpalooza from Toho Studios.  Wanna know when Godzilla switched from bad guy to good?  Well, here you go.  Go go Gojira!  Sure, the plot — a princess, on her way to Japan for a visit, is attacked and after her plane is blown up she’s possessed by a Martian that warns of upcoming monster invasions.  Yeah, it’s wacky.  But it’s the monsters we’re looking to see, and Ghidorah delivers.  Rodan!  Godzilla!  Mothra!  And, of course, three-headed King Ghidorah!

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31 in 31: Shivers (1975)

Posted on October 18, 2014 by Denise

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shiversStory: A dirty old man murders a beautiful young student.  But the dirty old man is actually a medical professor, and the beautiful young student is actually someone he infected with a parasite that was a combination venereal disease/aphrodisiac.  But the student shagged just about every guy in her apartment complex, infecting everyone she touched.  So the professor’s attempt to stop the spread may be too late….

Scares: Tons of creepy visuals, and decades after it’s release it’s still got it’s fair share of…shivers that could creep you out.  Blame/applaud director David “I never met weird shit I didn’t like” Cronenberg.

Splat factor: Again, it’s from David Cronenberg. FX makeup master Joe Blasco handles the FX. What do you think?

Closing scene “shocker”:  Sorta?  If you’ve seen Cronenberg before, you know what’s coming.  If not, you may be surprised.

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul): If it’s Cronenberg, it’s one of a kind.  That should be his resume tag line, and it’s definitely true here.

Trick or Treat?: Shivers (also known as Orgy of the Blood Parasites, The Parasite Murders, They Came from Within, and Frissons.  Whew.)  is Cronenberg’s first film.  It also lays the groundwork for just about everything else he’s done. Sex, fear, changing/becoming, primal urges that can’t be stopped, “The Flesh”; they’re all here.  Thought of as a classic in the “body horror” genre, Shivers still delivers a sense of dread that has held up over the years.  Is this film Fine Cinema?  Of course not; the film’s low budget, goofy 70s art direction, and hammy acting will always put it in the cult classics section.  But that ain’t a bad place to be.

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Movie Review: The Book of Life

Posted on October 17, 2014 by Denise

book of life

book of life chuy

I love you, Chuy.

Nutshell: I give The Book of Life an A-.  A bouncy, fizzy-fun animated pic about a cool but little-understood (in the USA) Mexican holiday.  Wonderful voice performances and gorgeous animation will please young and old alike, and the songs will have you dancing out of the theater.  I’m gonna try to make Chuy the official mascot of Pigtown, Baltimore. It could happen.

I love Halloween, don’t you?  Of course you do.  How about Day of the Dead?  No, not the Romero zombie movie, I’m talking about the Mexican holiday that follows hard on the heels of our beloved All Hallows Eve.  From 10/31 to 11/2, Mexican families honor those who have passed away, building altars and visiting cemeteries.  Candy, marigolds, candles and images of the departed are all a part of these festivities.  In America, we’ve seen sugar skulls, gorgeous calavera makeup, and even parades if you’re lucky enough to live in an area where there’s a large celebration.  But outside of the trappings, we Americans know very little of the traditions behind the holiday.  The Book of Life may just change that; Life is an animated festival that puts the emphasis on fun and family but still manages to educate while it entertains.

It’s a tale as old as time; three young children become fast friends.  But the two boys, Manolo (Diego Luna) and Joaquin (Channing Tatum) both find themselves falling in love with young Maria (Zoe Saldana).  They still manage to pal around and get themselves into the usual little kid troubles here and there, though.  But when Maria tries to do a good dead, things backfire and she’s sent away to boarding school.  Manolo learns to be a bullfighter but secretly longs to sing, and Joaquin becomes a famous soldier with his own secret.  Meanwhile, rulers of the underworld La Muerte (Kate del Castillo) and Xibalba (Ron Perlman) make a wager based on which one of the boys will ultimately win Maria’s heart.  When Manolo dies suddenly, the wager seems to have come to it’s completion.  But will Manolo’s love give him the power to come back to his beloved?  C’mon now y’all, you know this one.

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31 in 31: The Town That Dreaded Sundown (1976)…and drinking game!

Posted on October 17, 2014 by Denise

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the town that dreaded sundown 76Story: WWII is over – let’s all relax and get back to regular life! Oh wait; there’s a hooded nutter attacking and killing couples in Texarkana. Eek!  So much for normal.

Scares: For a drive-in caliber movie  there’s actually one or two decent ones. (I’ll never look at a trombone in quite the same way ever again.) Just keep your expectations low. Really low.

Splat factor: From Zero to Dead Alive? Barely noticeable, at best. This looks and feels like a TV movie, complete with low-key FX. Better than I expected overall, but I expected pure crap.

Closing scene “shocker”: Besides the creepy fact that in real life the killer was never found? Nup.

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul): Based on the real Phantom Killer murder spree in Texarkana in 1946. A reboot was done in 2014 and should be hitting theaters (or On Demand) soon.

Trick or Treat?: I’d heard tons of bad news about this movie. It’s slow, it’s dull, the voice over narration is silly and heavy handed. That’s all true. But I’m a lover of craptastic B-movie drive-in fodder, so while I think Sundown is nobody’s baby, it can be fun if you’re looking for a retro 70s drive-in night. Bonus points if you decide to do your own Mystery Science Theater thing as film plays. Or do a drinking game, perhaps like…

Drink when:

* a couple does something stupid rather than fight back/take off
* someone calls Officer Benson “Spark Plug”
* a cop is in drag
* someone says how a-ma-zing agent “Lone Wolf” is
* the cops deliver lines like they’re about to fall asleep
* “teenagers” act WAAAAY too straight laced, even for the 1940s
* female victims act like idiots rather than intelligent human beings.

That should get you good and hammered.

Why not double-up this movie with the sister from the same mister (that’d be producer Charles B. Pierce) The Legend of Boggy Creek, a film that feels like the crazy-crime prequel to this story. (It’s even got the same narrator.) Oh, and be sure to check out Dawn “Mary Ann” Wells as the final victim here in Sundown. She classes up the joint at the movie’s climax.

Score: :wpid-pumpkin9.jpg wpid-pumpkin9.jpgwpid-pumpkin9.jpg

3 out of 5 pumpkins, only for its drive-in, MST3K vibe, and the feeling Jason Voorhees used this film as his fashion inspiration.

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31 in 31: Birth of the Living Dead

Posted on October 16, 2014 by Denise

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birth of the living deadStory: These kids head into the woods thinking they’ll have a little fun and make a horror movie.  But then…they do!  And Night of the Living Dead becomes a worldwide sensation and genre classic!  How’d they do that?  Well, let them tell you.

Scares: That depends. What do you think of the spooky in NotLD? Because you’re going to see just about all those scenes here.

Splat Factor: That depends. What do you think of the gore in NotLD? Because you’re going to see just about all those scenes here.  You haven’t seen NotLD?  Then get ready for a ton of low-budget, real-entrails FX.

Closing scene “shocker”:Documentary.  So, no.

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul): It’s original, though it’s not the only NotLD doc out there.

Trick or Treat: I love learnin’ me some new stuff.  And honestly?  I thought I’d learned just about everything there was to know about how Night of the Living Dead got made and distributed.  I was wrong.  Who knew that George Romero worked with Mr. Rodgers/Pittsburgh’s Latent Image? Mr. Rodgers gets a tonsillectomy — George did that! “Which remains one of the scariest movies I’ve ever done”, says George.

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Off the Shelf: Neil Gaiman’s The Last Temptation 20th Anniversary Deluxe Edition

Posted on October 15, 2014 by Denise

the last temptationNutshell: The Last Temptation is classic Gaiman, and classic Cooper to boot.  The artwork is still breathtaking after 20 years, and the added bits of script, letters and insight are worth the price of admission for fans.  A must for Gaiman fans, and for anyone who wants to see why the 90s were so damn amazing for comics.

Publication 411: Hardback anniversary edition of the Marvel Music issues from 194, and the TPB from 1995.

Story: Based on Alice Cooper’s album of the same name, this story about Steven (yes, the same boy from Cooper’s Welcome to My Nightmare) and how he meets the mysterious Showman — with very familiar eye makeup — who makes Steven a tantalizing offer: wanna never grow old?  Come join the carnival!  Steven  is rightly skeptical, and with some help from the carnival’s enigmatic ingenue Mercy, decides to find out exactly what that offer means.

Thoughts:  Gotta say I was only vaguely familiar with this story when I came across this anniversary edition.  Ahh, the 90s were pretty awesome.  Anyway.  Once I got back to it, it came flooding back.  I loved the “Something Wicked This Way Comes” vibe of the carnival, and Cooper’s wicked Showman.  Michael Zulli’s art (not to mention Dave McKean’s glorious cover) hold up, and the colors are beautifully simple.  No showmanship beyond The Showman himself, and Gaiman’s story.  None are necessary beyond that; the story rightfully does all the heavy lifting here.

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31 in 31: Night of the Creeps

Posted on October 15, 2014 by Denise

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night of the creepsStory: Alien turd-snails that turn humans into zombie incubators crash land in the good ol’ US of A. 30 years later, a college rush prank gone wrong releases a frozen, infected host/corpse/former dudebro. Guess what happens next?

Scares: None, at least not for me. This is 80s horror-camp at its best.

Splat factor: Heads explode! Ax murders by zombie killer! And we’re just getting started!

Closing scene “shocker”: Of course! It’s the 80s!

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul): One of a kind. At least until Slither paid homage.

Trick or Treat: This is the horror movie I’ll always love for bringing my sister into the horror fold. Not completely – she’s still a wuss – but this movie is so camp and tongue-in-cheek she was able to finally see why I love the genre. Score!

Just about every 80s cliché is here, and it’s glorious. Nerdy but awesome BFF? Check! Hot girl that’s secretly really nice to everyone? Check! Needless lingering shower scene for boobies? Check! Getting ready for the dance montage? Check! DICK FREAKIN’ SMITH! Check, check, check!

Is this movie good?  Um, well…not in the conventional sense.  Is it a whole helluva lotta fun?  Of course.  80s horror rulz y’all.  Go forth and enjoy.

Score: wpid-pumpkin9.jpgwpid-pumpkin9.jpg wpid-pumpkin9.jpgwpid-pumpkin9.jpgwpid-pumpkin9.jpg

5 out of 5 pumpkins for this culty 80s classic.

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Baltimore Screening Pass-palooza: John Wick

Posted on October 14, 2014 by Denise

john wick posterJohn Wick.  Killer trying to take it easy.  Killer Keanu?  Yes, Keanu.  This looks like his best work since Speed.  And gotta say I’m really loving the focus work on the poster, very nice.  Can’t wait to get my eye parts on this film.  And you have a chance of coming along too, if you wanna.  You know you wanna.  Doubt my truth?  Peep the trailer y’all:

Dig it? Thought so.

Here’s how to score yourself a few passes….

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