31 in 31: Ouija

Posted on October 24, 2014 by Denise

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I decided to kill two birds with one horror movie this go-round; cross-posted at Geek for e, clicky the hyperlink for that post!

Movie review: Ouija

Keep thinking its just your friends pushing the game marker around...

It’s Hallow-Month!  So horror movies are naturally the way to go. Want to get to the nitty-gritty?  Here’s a little list I’ve borrowed from another source  that’ll help you get to what you’re looking for in a Halloween horror show.  Does Ouija measure up as Boo-tastic, or is it just a bomb?  Read on….

Story: Two little girls play around with an Ouija board.  Fast forward to high school, and one of those little girls hangs herself “under mysterious circumstances”.  Wanna guess how the other girl handles it?  If you said “by using the same Ouija board”, you should be a scriptwriter!

Scares: Even though this is cliché-central, there are a few Gotchas here, of the “jumped from the shadows” variety.

Splat factor: Not much blood, though there’s desiccated bodies, stitches where you wouldn’t want ‘em, and top-notch visual effects to signify possession.

Closing scene “shocker”?: Not if you know anything about horror movies.  But for the noobs, they could be shocked.  With this film, I expected a “leave room for a sequel” twist.

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: Though the usual tropes can be found in just about every single horror movie since 1979, this movie’s an original. And by original I mean the first in an inevitable series.

Trick or Treat?: Ouija is more of a drinking-game film than a serious horror film.  Why else would the characters be so incredibly stupid?  “Hey, my BFF just died after strange stuff was happening to her.  Let’s whip out the Ouija board just lying on her bed to see if we can talk to her!  What could happen?”  What really made my eyes roll were the lack of grown-ups.  (Y’know, beyond the twenty-somethings playing high school students.)  A group of kids start dying, and nobody’s parents are around?  Anywhere?  C’mon.

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31 in 31: Burke and Hare (2010)

Posted on October 23, 2014 by Denise

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burke and hare

I missed a ’31 yesterday, so why not continue with grave robbing today?  Here goes, with Burke and Hare!

Story: Back in the early 1800s, medical colleges in Scotland had a shortage of bodies.  When there’s a market, there are…enrepreneurs!

Scares: A comedy that happens to have it’s basis in a creepy point in history, so no real scares.  Well, unless you’re squicked by dead bodies.

Splat factor: Dead bodies.  Murder.  Medical dissection.  You do the math.

Closing scene “shocker”?: Nup.  Though there’s a “what happened to ’em” epilogue.  Who doesn’t love that?

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: Burke and Hare came out in 1971, so the 2010 film is a remake/homage.

Trick or Treat?: Like I Sell the Dead, Burke and Hare is a hilarious look at an ooky true history tidbit.  Grave robbing was indeed a thing, and Burke and Hare were indeed fellas that sold dead bodies to medical colleges…killing people when they ran out of “product”.

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31 in 31: I Sell the Dead

Posted on October 23, 2014 by Denise

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i sell the deadStory: Arthur Blake is jailed for grave robbing and murder.  Before he’s beheaded, a monk comes in and asks him to confess.  Roll the backstory of how he came to do what he did, and all the strange and scary things he’s seen!

Scares: Though this is a horror comedy with an emphasis on black humor, there are a few groovy ghouls and just enough gore to keep horror hounds happy.

Splat Factor: See above.  There’s some blood, but mostly it’s dead bodies and ghouls that rule the day.  Or night.  For a low-budget flick, the FX are surprisingly good.

Closing scene “shocker”?: Yep.  But it’s fun rather than the usual drag.

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul): Original.  Burke and Hare came along two years later, but though that’s also about grave robbers, it takes a different tack.

Trick or Treat?: Like old-time horror?  Body-snatchers?  Black humor?  Who doesn’t?  I Sell the Dead is a hoot; one of those films that I figured would be a crapfest that tries too hard, but ultimately is a delightfully dark horror comedy that throws in a few good scares for good measure.

I especially love the spin on Jolly Olde England.  No sepia, no grainy cinematography.  It’s all shiny, though the props, set design and costuming aren’t given short shrift.  Dominic Monaghan and Larry Fessenden as the dead sellers, along with Ron Perlman as Father Duffy all seem to enjoy the hell out of their roles, and don’t forget to keep an eye out for Phantasm’s own Angus Scrimm as the not-so-good Dr. Quint.  A modern day horror film that feels like a goofy homage to Hammer films.  No wonder it was a hit at Slamdance in 2009.  Seek it out.

Score: wpid-pumpkin9.jpg wpid-pumpkin9.jpgwpid-pumpkin9.jpgwpid-pumpkin9.jpg

4 out of 5 pumpkins.

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Baltimore Screening Pass-palooza: Birdman

Posted on October 22, 2014 by Denise

birdman

Actually, the title is Birdman or The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance, just so you know.  But Michael Keaton as an actor who played a superhero!  Meta much?  Yeah, this sounds cool.

 BIRDMAN or The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance

TRAILER:
http://www.foxsearchlight.com/birdman/

BIRDMAN or The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance is a black comedy that tells the story of an actor (Michael Keaton) – famous for portraying an iconic superhero – as he struggles to mount a Broadway play. In the days leading up to opening night, he battles his ego and attempts to recover his family, his career, and himself.

Directed by:
Alejandro G. Iñárritu

Cast:
Michael Keaton, Zach Galafinakis, Edward Norton, Andrea Riseborough, Amy Ryan, Emma Stone, Naomi Watts, Lindsey Duncan, Merritt Wever, Jeremy Shamos, Bill Camp and Damian Young.

Want passes to the Baltimore screening?  Read on….

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31 in 31: Cockneys vs Zombies

Posted on October 21, 2014 by Denise

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c vs zStory:  A group of pathetically stupid (but hilarious) bank robbers try a heist.  Meanwhile, zombies are popping up around the old folks home.  How are these two disparate groups gonna survive the apocalypse?

Scares: A few nice chills and Day of the Dead-like suspense bits, but mostly this is played for laughs.

Splat Factor: Zombie movie.  So, yeah.  There’s even a few splats onto the camera lens once or twice.

Closing scene “shocker”: Nope!  Yayz!

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul): I know, I know; you’ve seen tons of zombie movies.  And yeah, this feels like a mashup of Grabbers  and Shaun of the Dead. (Note to self: review Shaun of the Dead.) But this one’s original.

Trick or Treat:  A definite treat y’all.  Ever wonder what would happen if the East End of London got overrun with zombies?  Well, while Shaun was taking care of things in King’s Cross, this gang of misfits and senior citizens have things covered for the Bow-bells.

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31 in 31: The Sacrament

Posted on October 20, 2014 by Denise

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the-sacrament_612x907Story: Remember the Jonestown Massacre? Well, The Sacrament is Eli Roth’s weak attempt to make that tragedy into a horror movie.

Scares: Not a one. A decent sense of dread in the beginning, but then it all peters out.

Splat factor: A few drops of blood, but otherwise, it’s all death by Kool-aid. Yawn.

Closing scene “shocker”: Surprisingly, no.

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul): Though this feels like a Jim Jones docudrama, this is an original.

Trick or Treat: Just like Jonestown Kool-aid, this bait and switch film is deadly disappointing.  The film starts out promising: moronic Williamsburg hipsters head outside of the USA and onto a compound full of of religious cultists, in search of the sister of one of the hipsters. Yet, these chuckleheads act like they’re entitled to be assholes, asking pompous questions and poking around even though there are armed guards around and things don’t seem kosher. They warm up to the compound though, but then a little girl passes them a note, “please help us”. That’s all you get as far as slow buildup and chills; the next morning? Hey, Kool-aid!

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31 in 31: Ghidorah, the Three-Headed Monster

Posted on October 19, 2014 by Denise

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ghidorahStory: A princess takes a trip to Japan, but her plane blows up.  Later, a woman that looks just like her is on the streets of Japan, warning everyone of upcoming monster invasions.  What’s going on?  Who cares — bring on the kaiju!

Scares: Terrifyingly bad dubbing, if you’re not watching the subtitled versions.  Otherwise, it’s a monster-iffic cake walk.

Splat Factor: Godzilla series = Zero.

Closing scene “shocker”: All rainbows and unicorns, no surprises here.

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul): This is the 5th film of the Toho Godzilla series, but it’s the first time Ghidorah hit the silver screen.

Trick or Treat: Ghidorah, the Three-Headed Monster (aka Ghidrah, when the USA got hold of it) is the first all-out monsterpalooza from Toho Studios.  Wanna know when Godzilla switched from bad guy to good?  Well, here you go.  Go go Gojira!  Sure, the plot — a princess, on her way to Japan for a visit, is attacked and after her plane is blown up she’s possessed by a Martian that warns of upcoming monster invasions.  Yeah, it’s wacky.  But it’s the monsters we’re looking to see, and Ghidorah delivers.  Rodan!  Godzilla!  Mothra!  And, of course, three-headed King Ghidorah!

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31 in 31: Shivers (1975)

Posted on October 18, 2014 by Denise

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shiversStory: A dirty old man murders a beautiful young student.  But the dirty old man is actually a medical professor, and the beautiful young student is actually someone he infected with a parasite that was a combination venereal disease/aphrodisiac.  But the student shagged just about every guy in her apartment complex, infecting everyone she touched.  So the professor’s attempt to stop the spread may be too late….

Scares: Tons of creepy visuals, and decades after it’s release it’s still got it’s fair share of…shivers that could creep you out.  Blame/applaud director David “I never met weird shit I didn’t like” Cronenberg.

Splat factor: Again, it’s from David Cronenberg. FX makeup master Joe Blasco handles the FX. What do you think?

Closing scene “shocker”:  Sorta?  If you’ve seen Cronenberg before, you know what’s coming.  If not, you may be surprised.

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul): If it’s Cronenberg, it’s one of a kind.  That should be his resume tag line, and it’s definitely true here.

Trick or Treat?: Shivers (also known as Orgy of the Blood Parasites, The Parasite Murders, They Came from Within, and Frissons.  Whew.)  is Cronenberg’s first film.  It also lays the groundwork for just about everything else he’s done. Sex, fear, changing/becoming, primal urges that can’t be stopped, “The Flesh”; they’re all here.  Thought of as a classic in the “body horror” genre, Shivers still delivers a sense of dread that has held up over the years.  Is this film Fine Cinema?  Of course not; the film’s low budget, goofy 70s art direction, and hammy acting will always put it in the cult classics section.  But that ain’t a bad place to be.

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Movie Review: The Book of Life

Posted on October 17, 2014 by Denise

book of life

book of life chuy

I love you, Chuy.

Nutshell: I give The Book of Life an A-.  A bouncy, fizzy-fun animated pic about a cool but little-understood (in the USA) Mexican holiday.  Wonderful voice performances and gorgeous animation will please young and old alike, and the songs will have you dancing out of the theater.  I’m gonna try to make Chuy the official mascot of Pigtown, Baltimore. It could happen.

I love Halloween, don’t you?  Of course you do.  How about Day of the Dead?  No, not the Romero zombie movie, I’m talking about the Mexican holiday that follows hard on the heels of our beloved All Hallows Eve.  From 10/31 to 11/2, Mexican families honor those who have passed away, building altars and visiting cemeteries.  Candy, marigolds, candles and images of the departed are all a part of these festivities.  In America, we’ve seen sugar skulls, gorgeous calavera makeup, and even parades if you’re lucky enough to live in an area where there’s a large celebration.  But outside of the trappings, we Americans know very little of the traditions behind the holiday.  The Book of Life may just change that; Life is an animated festival that puts the emphasis on fun and family but still manages to educate while it entertains.

It’s a tale as old as time; three young children become fast friends.  But the two boys, Manolo (Diego Luna) and Joaquin (Channing Tatum) both find themselves falling in love with young Maria (Zoe Saldana).  They still manage to pal around and get themselves into the usual little kid troubles here and there, though.  But when Maria tries to do a good dead, things backfire and she’s sent away to boarding school.  Manolo learns to be a bullfighter but secretly longs to sing, and Joaquin becomes a famous soldier with his own secret.  Meanwhile, rulers of the underworld La Muerte (Kate del Castillo) and Xibalba (Ron Perlman) make a wager based on which one of the boys will ultimately win Maria’s heart.  When Manolo dies suddenly, the wager seems to have come to it’s completion.  But will Manolo’s love give him the power to come back to his beloved?  C’mon now y’all, you know this one.

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31 in 31: The Town That Dreaded Sundown (1976)…and drinking game!

Posted on October 17, 2014 by Denise

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the town that dreaded sundown 76Story: WWII is over – let’s all relax and get back to regular life! Oh wait; there’s a hooded nutter attacking and killing couples in Texarkana. Eek!  So much for normal.

Scares: For a drive-in caliber movie  there’s actually one or two decent ones. (I’ll never look at a trombone in quite the same way ever again.) Just keep your expectations low. Really low.

Splat factor: From Zero to Dead Alive? Barely noticeable, at best. This looks and feels like a TV movie, complete with low-key FX. Better than I expected overall, but I expected pure crap.

Closing scene “shocker”: Besides the creepy fact that in real life the killer was never found? Nup.

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul): Based on the real Phantom Killer murder spree in Texarkana in 1946. A reboot was done in 2014 and should be hitting theaters (or On Demand) soon.

Trick or Treat?: I’d heard tons of bad news about this movie. It’s slow, it’s dull, the voice over narration is silly and heavy handed. That’s all true. But I’m a lover of craptastic B-movie drive-in fodder, so while I think Sundown is nobody’s baby, it can be fun if you’re looking for a retro 70s drive-in night. Bonus points if you decide to do your own Mystery Science Theater thing as film plays. Or do a drinking game, perhaps like…

Drink when:

* a couple does something stupid rather than fight back/take off
* someone calls Officer Benson “Spark Plug”
* a cop is in drag
* someone says how a-ma-zing agent “Lone Wolf” is
* the cops deliver lines like they’re about to fall asleep
* “teenagers” act WAAAAY too straight laced, even for the 1940s
* female victims act like idiots rather than intelligent human beings.

That should get you good and hammered.

Why not double-up this movie with the sister from the same mister (that’d be producer Charles B. Pierce) The Legend of Boggy Creek, a film that feels like the crazy-crime prequel to this story. (It’s even got the same narrator.) Oh, and be sure to check out Dawn “Mary Ann” Wells as the final victim here in Sundown. She classes up the joint at the movie’s climax.

Score: :wpid-pumpkin9.jpg wpid-pumpkin9.jpgwpid-pumpkin9.jpg

3 out of 5 pumpkins, only for its drive-in, MST3K vibe, and the feeling Jason Voorhees used this film as his fashion inspiration.

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