Recappin’: Gang Related – Pecados Del Padre

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Photo: Fox

Man, but this show delivers the mediocrity. If I didn’t love Terry O’Quinn so much, and if I actually had cable rather than picking over Hulu shows, I’d bounce. Still may. Til then? Here’s my as-it-happened stream of consciousness during this episode.

Story: Basically? A bad guy rats. GTF celebrates. Latin Gang Kingpin wants to parlay that into getting into the drug business with Rat’s former boss. Carlos is still alive (boo!), but he’s peeing in a bag (yay – take that, sadistic scumbag!) I’ve decided that learning everyone’s name? Not important. Let’s ride!

Stream-of-consciousness-with-alcohol:

*NHI – no humans involved, just bangers. Cut to grieving people. Ham handed! But yeah, effective.

*RZA. Still awesome.

*I’ma sell drugs to make a clean start, says Latino Gang Kingpin! Because trying to go legit with the money I already have from years of being dirty? Pah! Also, gunning for revenge x10 for Carlos and his wheelchair status. Because bad guys don’t consider they bring bad stuff onto themselves! Whee!

*GTF Daughter Lawyer Lady should never be put with Terry O’Quinn. She only embarrasses herself. Flat in the dictionary has a clip of her performance tonight.

*”I can’t do that”? Whoa – he’s growing a heart? I’m betting no.

*They’re protecting Rat & his family, but let his little girl text? FAIL.

*Aw man. Carlos isn’t dead yet? Dammit.

*Boo Hoo. Carlos is feeling the full effects of karma. All the feelings! Poor bastard. /not

*Meanwhile, daddy is being an instrument for vengeance. On all the wrong people. Way to bully the innocent, asshole. Why am I still watching this show? Oh yeah, wine.

*Oh good! Shitty Actress/GTFDLL is being paired with Worthless Lead. Love – and bad acting – is in the air. *eyeroll*

*Meanwhile, Terry O’Quinn is finally looking at the information IAD gave him on Lopez/Worthless Lead. Will Pappa GTF be allowed buy a clue? Yeah right.

*”I knew it would be wrong.” Whatever, Latino Gang Kingpin. Your whole gang could vanish, and this show could only get better. This back-n-forth isn’t worth it. At least not with these scripts. Isn’t there a better way to showcase talented Latino actors? Oh, forgot; no good roles for anyone who isn’t Wonder Bread. America!

*”Just the name he’s under.” Oh, that’s okay then. It’s signing that dude’s death warrant, idiot. And there’ll be no justice for the dead agents you claim to give a crap about. But what else did I expect? Again, this better pay off with Worthless Lead waking the fuck up. Because right now, this show is expecting folks to side with a piece of shit. America!

So?: Gang Related is still more about being cool and edgy (ooh!) than developing characters worth caring about. This show doesn’t know if it wants to be The Shield, The Godfather, or Law & Order: Special Idiots Division. I’m off to grab more wine. It’s the only thing that gets me through these episodes. Sadly I waited so long to watch this episode that another one is comin’ up tomorrow.

More wine, Cercei.

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Free Baltimore screening: Obvious Child

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Want some funny? Something a little off the beaten shtick? Gotcha. And I can help.

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For aspiring comedian Donna Stern, everyday life as a female twenty-something provides ample material for her incredibly relatable brand of humor. On stage, Donna is unapologetically herself, joking about topics as intimate as her sex life and as crude as her day-old underwear. But when Donna gets dumped, loses her job, and finds herself pregnant just in time for Valentine’s Day, she has to navigate the murky waters of independent adulthood for the first time.

As she grapples with an uncertain financial future, an unwanted pregnancy, and a surprising new suitor, Donna begins to discover that the most terrifying thing about adulthood isn’t facing it all on her own. It’s allowing herself to accept the support and love of others. And be truly vulnerable. Never failing to find the comedy and humanity in each awkward situation she encounters, Donna finds out along the way what it means to be as brave in life as she is on stage.

Anchored by a breakout performance from Jenny Slate, OBVIOUS CHILD is a winning discovery, packed tight with raw, energetic comedy and moments of poignant human honesty. Writer/Director Gillian Robespierre handles the topic of Donna’s unwanted pregnancy with a refreshing matter-of-factness rarely seen onscreen. And with Donna, Slate and Robespierre have crafted a character for the ages – a female audiences will recognize, cheer for, and love.

Here’s how to get passes….

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Jersey Boys in Baltimore: free screening!

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Who doesn’t love Frankie Valli and Four Seasons? I remember listening to them on the oldies channel back at the ol’ neighborhood pool. Mmmm, Summertime.

Wanna see the music that brings their awesome doo-wop to the big screen? (Hint: yes, yes you do.) Jersey Boys has you covered. Need more information? Gotcha covered. Hit it, PR peeps!

Clint Eastwood’s big screen version of the Tony Award-winning musical tells the story of the four young men from the wrong side of the tracks in New Jersey who came together to form the iconic `60s rock group The Four Seasons.  Their trials and triumphs are accompanied by the hit songs that influenced a generation, and are now being embraced by a new generation of fans through the stage musical.

“Sherry”, “Big Girls Don’t Cry”, “Walk Like A Man”, and my favorite, “December, 1963 (Oh, What A Night)” – though gotta say I really love 1993 remix – are all here, and more. Eastwood ain’t skimping y’all.

And here’s how to get passes….

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Some of the great quotes from Orange is the New Black Season 2

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Just finished my bingewatch of Orange is the New Black, season 2. And it was awesome! I loved it, it freaked me out and made me mad. Basically I had all the feelings.

Because I don’t want to spoil anyone’s groove, but I need to vent? Here’s a few of the amazing lines from the new eps.

And I’m never going to look at pie, oatmeal, pizza, Uno or tampons in quite the same way again.

Oh  one spoiler: the band Sideboob is actually a thing. Need to hear “You Slay Me” over & over again (believe me, you’re gonna want to)? Hit up Bandcamp.

“Next time just sit on her face, shuts her right up.”

“You look like the gay Edge!”

“It’s like getting into a bath, but the water is warm chocolate pudding. And the Smiths are playing…. And you also have a pizza.”

“Women are really bad at math. Just remember that.”

“You can’t blame the wolf; lamb’s delicious. That’s smart eating!”

“You were patrolling a copy of Bass Master Magazine.”

“You don’t drink poison and wait for it to kill your enemy…. Plot your revenge.”

“I’m not an alcoholic, I’m Australian.”

“I don’t think it matters  just as long as you say your opinion it louder than everybody else!”

“Red…. She’s Mrs. Green Christmas. She’s Mrs. Sun.”

“Oh shit! Outlander! Have you read this?!?”

“Y’know who made up that Never Snitch bullshit? People prolly deserved to get snitched on.”

“RUN NUNS! RUN!”

And every fucking second of that perfect final scene.

When does Season 3 start?

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Elsewhere Review: The Fault in Our Stars

Nutshell: I give it a B+.  Not a shot-for-shot retelling of the novel, but it works.  Would have liked to have seen more of the realistic sturm-und-drang of illness, but otherwise Woodley and Elgort nail their roles.  And any film that casts Laura Dern, Sam Trammell and Willem Dafoe is groovy in my book.

As always, clicky on the hyper-title for the original piece!

Movie Review: The Fault in Our Stars

Twitview: Great cast, sweet story. If you don’t tear up by the end you’re dead inside. B+

Every so often a story comes around that taps into a zeitgeist the world never knew it had.  John Green’s The Fault in our Stars, about two teens that fall in love despite the Cancer of Damocles hanging over their heads.  Narrated by Hazel (Shailene Woodley, Divergent), one of the young lovers, Green seemed to nail the voice of the young and terminally ill.  As a thyroid cancer survivor myself (18 years NEC!), it sounded real, and refreshing.  But the sweeping adoration for the novel and it’s young protagonists was a surprise to me.  Not that it’s not a good book; it’s a sweet story that you can’t help but plow through in one sitting, no matter how much you’d like to make the story last by rationing it out to yourself.  But the Harry Potter/Twilight-esque love ofTFiOS puzzled me.  Until now.

By bringing this story to the screen, director Josh Boone (Stuck in Love) manages to show the love rather than imagine it, demonstrate exactly how difficult it is to live with illness rather than guess at it, and watch young lovers fall in love rather than see it from a single POV.  The Fault in Our Stars just works.

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Surrounding the leads with talented adults didn’t hurt.  Laura Dern (Enlightened) plays Hazel’s mom Frannie, and Sam Merlotte Trammell (True Blood) plays dad Michael.  Willem Dafoe plays the elusive and massively weird author Peter Van Houten, who wrote Hazel’s favorite book — and plot device — “An Imperial Affliction”.  But it’s Shailene Woodley and Ansel Elgort that are front & center here, and they both deliver.  At first I’d worried that Elgort’s unreadable face would prove to be a hindrance to his portrayal of Gus, the young man who sees Hazel at a cancer support group and falls in love.  But instead it works perfectly.  Gus seems open, but there are things he doesn’t share with anyone, including Hazel.  Of course, during the climax of the film there’s a call for him to pull out all the stops, and Elgort shifts from unreadable to All The Feelings, which was a surprise to me after his Erudite-as-robot performance in Divergent.

Harry Potter fans may be interested to note that Production Designer Molly Hughes dropped Potterverse bits all over TFiOS as a tributeHughes’s friend Stephenie McMillan, who passed away from cancer during the film. (The Wire covers all the Potter-ness well in it’s piece, including the Fox/Warner Brothers collaboration.)  Speaking of production design, I love the way this film deals with the texting between Hazel and Gus.  It’s not a constant flash onto their phones, but a series of animated pop-ups; transparent backgrounds, white bubbles and text, and a funky comic-sans-like font that feels like a Tumblr caption whenever it’s on screen.  That nails not only the young lovers aesthetic, but the fandom’s.  I’m fanning all over the soundtrack myownself.  “Simple as This” by Jake Bugg, “Long Way Down” by Tom Odell, Birdy’s “Not About Angels”, and “No One Ever Loved” by Lykke Li that will bring you to tears if you have any feels at all in your cold, cold heart.

But does this film adequately show what it’s like to be young and sick?  As one who has too damn much expertise in that particular field, let me say this; yes, though I’d like to have seen a touch more of the difficulty shown in the novel up on screen. There are bits where Woodley seems to recover a bit too quickly from something that would be taxing for Hazel, and Gus seems a bit too a-ok post-osteosarcoma.  But the bitter witticisms as psychic armor, the cycling through the stages of grief over and over again, the fear of never Being Something or Doing The Important Thing?  Nailed it.  The Fault in Our Stars doesn’t give fans of the book every little detail, and cuts out sub-plots that would weigh the story down on screen (Caroline who?)  But the basics are all here.  The book is grittier, messier and more in-your-face.  The film cleans things up a bit, and combine scenes here and there (see: Hazel leaving the house to meet Gus and his pal Isaac late in the film) but what’s sacrificed ends up helping the story flow.  Can’t say I wasn’t jolted here and there though.  But there are eggs!  And trophies!  And champagne!  And cheese sandwiches!

Oh, and it’s good to know that Funky Bones is a real thing.  A real thing that I now really have to visit, because it’s way cool.  (What?  I’m East Coast; that means I know of nothing beyond Hershey Pennsylvania. It’s a thing.)

All in all?  The Fault in our Stars is just faithful enough for die-hard fans, and may bring many new one’s into the fold.  “Some infinities are bigger than others.”  But the little infinity of The Fault in Our Stars feels just right.  Okay?  Okay.

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Movie Review: Edge of Tomorrow

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Nutshell: I give Edge of Tomorrow a C+.  Breathtaking visuals and a lead that’s always game for action can’t completely balance out a script that’s too repetitive even for it’s Groundhog Day Holocaust storyline.  EoT continually re-starts, and though that’s a part of the plot, it wears thin after awhile.  All the bang-boom-pow can only disguise the retread for so long; by the time the story decides to really matter, I’d suffered an ennui overdose that was tough to overcome.

Wasn’t Starship Troopers a cult-movie blast y’all?  Don’t you wish you could repeat the fun of blasting aliens over and over and over and over and over again?  Look no further, Edge of Tomorrow is here to help you with that.  Tom Cruise is amped and ready to take on any and all stunts needed, Emily Blunt is here for chemistry and good ol’ heart-n-soul, and there’s a ton of red-shirts for aliens to plow through to make their journey feel truly harrowing.  Let’s go!

The year is kinda-the-future.  An alien life form crash-lands in Europe — apparently they didn’t hear that Euro Disney is a waste — and starts to decimate the human population.  Seems that every time we try to out-think the buggers, they one-up us.  How?  Cue ROTC hotshot Major Cage, who ends up cocky-ing himself into a private’s uniform and onto the front line.  In a firefight he kills a glowing-blue alien and then, as he dies, he suddenly wakes up 24 hours earlier.  Was that a bad acid trip, or is something going on?  You can bet on the latter.

Before you know it, he’s back where he died, but this time he’s a little wiser.  Repeat this for about 20 times, and he meets fellow soldier — and hero — Rita (Emily Blunt), who doesn’t freak the hell out when Cage tells her they’ve met before.  Instead, she says “find me when you wake up”.  Why?  Because the same thing happened to her; those alien buggers managed to figure out how to travel back in time, and re-play each battle like it’s Bill Murray’s nightmare ‘til they win.  And now that Cage can do the same, why not try to beat ‘em at their own game?

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Last Month’s Best o’ Horror Comics from The Ghastly Awards!

Gotta love the start of a new month.  Endless possiblities.  Best-of lists from the month prior.  So let’s dig into what The Ghastly Awards dug up for the month of May, shall we?

Personally, I think Decapitated Dan is just trying to get on my good side by highlighting Avatar Press’ delightfully disgusting Crossed (and I agree; use last month’s Crossed 2014 Annual as a jump-on point if you’re behind or new to the series.)  Oh, and if you love horror comics and aren’t reading Afterlife with Archie?  You need to rectify that double-quick.

(Note: as always, I’m a staff member of the Ghastlies.  Just so you know.)

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Ghastly Awards – May 2014 Update

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John Waters’ “Carsick” hits bookshelves tomorrow. Release party in Hampden!

Image: Atomic Books/MD Film Fest

Image: Atomic Books/MD Film Fest

Picture it: John Waters hitching across the country.  Sounds like a great story, right?  Well, tomorrow you can see for yourself, because Carsick: John Waters Hitchhikes Across America hits bookstores and other cool places!  Here’s the Amazon 411:

A cross-country hitchhiking journey with America’s most beloved weirdo

John Waters is putting his life on the line. Armed with wit, a pencil-thin mustache, and a cardboard sign that reads “I’m Not Psycho,” he hitchhikes across America from Baltimore to San Francisco, braving lonely roads and treacherous drivers. But who should we be more worried about, the delicate film director with genteel manners or the unsuspecting travelers transporting the Pope of Trash?

Before he leaves for this bizarre adventure, Waters fantasizes about the best and worst possible scenarios: a friendly drug dealer hands over piles of cash to finance films with no questions asked, a demolition-derby driver makes a filthy sexual request in the middle of a race, a gun-toting drunk terrorizes and holds him hostage, and a Kansas vice squad entraps and throws him in jail. So what really happens when this cult legend sticks out his thumb and faces the open road? His real-life rides include a gentle eighty-one-year-old farmer who is convinced Waters is a hobo, an indie band on tour, and the perverse filmmaker’s unexpected hero: a young, sandy-haired Republican in a Corvette.

Laced with subversive humor and warm intelligence, Carsick is an unforgettable vacation with a wickedly funny companion—and a celebration of America’s weird, astonishing, and generous citizenry.

Wanna get an autographed copy?  Well, it just so happens that living in B’more comes with a few perks like that.  Book party y’all!  Atomic Books (y’know, the joint around the corner from Cafe Hon) is holding a book release party.  Grab tickets, buy a book — only Carsick books purchased at AB will be signed, but you can bring other stuff — and maybe even score a Waters selfie.

Do you.

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Recappin’ – Gang Related: Sangre por Sangre

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Photo: Fox


I said I was going to give this show another chance. And it looks like this will be my new hate-watch. Let’s see what’s going on with the GTF!

Story: Ryan The “Cop” spends most of the show trying to cover up the fact that he dropped the dime on professional douchebag Carlos. But Ryan should have been trying to figure out how to cover up the fact that he knows Carlos shot his last partner dead. Now internal affairs and the DA’s office are getting suspicious.

Meanwhile, Carlos is on the verge of death – sadly this bugger seems to take a licking and keep on ticking – and Papa Gangbang is lying to his wife. She doesn’t want to go through this again, and Papa promises he won’t kill anyone in retaliation. Sike! He totally kills the shooters. Wait; having a prison guard lock the shooters in an enclosed area with about 30 “Los Angelicos” gang members doesn’t count does it? Then win!

Because this show is trying to out-do The Shield show that good guys can be scummy too, we have:

* John Locke Sam Chapel, the head of the GTF probably pushing an unarmed man out of a 3rd floor window (not shown, but heavily implied; I’m guessing they’re keeping it vague in case the show buys a clue and decides to make at least one cop decent.)

* ICE Station Zebra (er, Agent Vee) hunt down the guy that stuck her with a hypodermic needle and forcibly take his blood for testing, after kicking the blood sweat and heroin outta the dude. Because Miranda sux.

* FBI Agent Kim – still the most intriguing dude – helping Zebra administer the blood draw. Z tells him she’s gonna go rogue. His response? “You’re gonna need backup.”

* DEA RZA Cassius shows an informant his LA pied-à-terre; a shipping container kitted out with an interrogation table and all the highlights of a no-holds-barred bad cop wonderland. Oh Bobby Digital, not you too?

Bullets fly, Ryan still isn’t showing an ounce of soul, and surprise – Carlos wakes up and can’t feel his legs. Ain’t karma a bitch, baby. And because Papa ain’t nobody’s bitch, he calls for… Blood For Blood. Look, episode title!

So?: basically the gangs are scumbags, the cops are scumbags, and the people living in gang territory are scumbags. What a wonderful lesson to teach America!

But: there really wasn’t anything in this episode that makes me pull back my opinion that Gang Related is nothing but a summer hate-watch. Look for the drinking game soon.

Right now: I’m pouring one out for Terry O’Quinn. The man deserves better than a show that tries to be “deep” but right now is nothing but Derp.

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Elsewhere Review: Maleficent

Nutshell: I give Maleficent a B.  This movie shouldn’t be any good.  It’s a one-character show with poorly constructed supporting characters, and an ending you can see coming a mile away.  But the fact that Jolie really loves being the fairy, a killer mix of Rick Baker makeup  & CGI FX, and a truly satisfying climax, goes a long way towards a fun film.

As always, clicky the hyperlink title for the original piece!

Movie Review: Maleficent

Twitview: Gloriously lush sets & Jolie’s performance make the film better than it has a right to be. B

 

Hell hath no fury like a fairy scorned.  Especially when that fairy is played by Angelina Jolie, and has a damn good reason for being so ticked off.  With the popularity of “revisionist fairy tale history” nowadays, Maleficent could have played out like a Very Special Episode of Once Upon A Time (which did have the Big M in the show, but threw away the character even though True Blood’s Kristin Bauer van Straten knocked it out of the park with her performance).  You gotta know from the trailer that this is gonna be another Frozen-esque story of how Womyn-with-a-Y are stronger together than the negative forces of Mankind, but Jolie is so magnetic in the role of the fairy gone bad that the trip is a fascinating one.  There isn’t much for anyone else to do but either get in her way or lend her aid, but otherwise?  It’s a fun 97 minutes, with plenty for newbies and old-school Sleeping Beauty fans to enjoy.  There are a few things that got under my skin, but all-in-all, the Enchanted Forest ain’t a bad place to spend a little time.

Way back in the day, there were two kingdoms; the Kingdom of Man (da-DUM) and The Moors.  Man does his usual mannish stuff, what with the subjegating, warring and power struggles.  Meanwhile, The Moors are a peaceful place full of mythical creatures that all live in an agreeable harmony with no one ruler.  Cue Maleficent (as played by Jolie doppelgänger Isobelle Molloy), a sweet little fairy girl with groovy horns on her head and glorious wings.  She finds human boy Stefan in The Moors, trying to make off with something.  She asks him for it back, then tosses it (back) into the water.  He tells her he’d rather have kept it if she was just going to “throw it away”…. And a friendship is born.  Friendship blossoms into love, at least for one half of this pairing.  (Hint: it’s not the thieving human.)  Years later, Stefan — who has always longed to live in the castle because Being Somebody Is All There Is — is a squire for the King, who has fallen ill thanks to trying to bring The Moors into his total domination.  Seems Maleficent doesn’t take too kindly to those who try to take over her land, and neither do the rest of the Moor-folk.  Stefan uses his friendship with Maleficent to do something absolutely heinous (hint: you didn’t know she had wings, did’ja?) and becomes King.  Maleficent, on the other hand, becomes bitter, angry and vengeful.  Cue Sleeping Beauty baby Aurora!

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