“Why’d you take us to the basement?… I mean, the back door was RIGHT THERE!”
Story: Victoria wants to make a horror anthology! Her brother Ray wants hamsters to be in it. Mom says they have to work together…and roll film!
Scares: Not really, though the FX in a few of the horror vignettes are not too shabby and may freak out n00bs.
Splat factor: A bit of obviously fake blood and assorted parts (human, not hamster) sometimes make the scene.
“Everybody alright?”
*sobbing*
Story: Ruth and Ritchie are getting married! Mazel! (Okay so Ruth’s preggers, but the very young couple would have gotten around to marriage soon enough.) Then things start getting weird in the world, with talks of nuclear war. Soon, bombs are dropping, and things are more than weird, they’re straight up horrifying. Will Ruth and her unborn baby survive? Will anyone?
Scares: After the bombs, the whole film is a nightmare.
Continue reading
It’s Fall! And yes, that means Decorative Gourd Season, but it also means all things Fall-y, including Oktoberfests and Halloweenie. Even Texas brewery Shiner has gotten in on the action, delivering an easy to quaff Marzen (a German beer style bottled in the Spring and left to age nicely ‘til cooler temps return). And I think I’ve found my favorite of this style right here in this can. Not a great shock, as I’m a fan of all things Shiner, especially their absolutely yummy Black. Continue reading
Okay, so I picked this up on Vudu because 1) it’s on sale right now, and 2) I didn’t think I’d written a review for this remake. But I did! So I’m absolutely stealing my seven-year-old post, and not even editing it! I’m a rebel. I’ll do my usual “31” bits, but hit the full review after the jump!
“I had to do it.”
Story: Five friends get together in a cabin in the woods because addict Mina wants to finally kick the habit. Um, don’t go in the basement. Haven’t y’all seen the original movie?
Scares: Lots of chills, even for hard-core fans who have the original memorized.
Splat factor: YES. Just…yes.
Closing scene “shocker”?: Nup. You’ll have been through enough by then.
Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: Based on Sam Raimi’s 1981 horror masterpiece. Serves as a reboot/re-imagining for the series.
Score: 4. 5 out of 5 pumpkins.
Continue reading
“It’s a love story.”
Story: Early twenty-something Dani leaves America for England in the mid-80s. She gets hired as a nanny to two young children in the gorgeous but kinda spooky Bly Manor, and soon makes friends with the few other folks working at the home. But there’s more than living things at Bly Manor. Many, many more things. Hey, who’s muddy footprints are these?
Scares: Gothic house spookiness, and some jumps.
Truth in video list form. WatchMojo breaks down all the things we don’t do because horror movies scared it out of us.
Me? I don’t go into the ocean any deeper than my knees anymore, and hell if I’ll stick my hand into a dark crevice I can’t see into. Because tiny monsters y’all. Tiny. Monsters.
“Looks like you picked the right week to quit football.”
Story: Herrington High is your typical Midwest high school. Football is #1, the school budget is crap…and the teachers are out of this world. Like, literal aliens, now that their human counterparts have been replaced. I’m guessing pop quizzes are really gonna start to suck.
Scares: Jumps, and lots of “ooh, that’s definitely not good” moments. Continue reading
“I’m Frank Stewart, we’ll be right back. Okay, all right! All right, relax! Come on!”
Story: Halloween 1987. Local news reporter Frank Stewart hosts a Halloween special at the Weber house – and it’s the first time in 20 years anyone’s been inside. Stewart invites paranormal researchers Louis and Claire Berger and their ESP cat (sure) Shadow, along with a priest there to amp up the audience. But in-between commercials and call-ins from viewers, it seems that this may be much spookier than anyone at WNUF intended.
Scares: None, unless you’re a very light touch. Continue reading
“I can live with that.”
‘We’ll see.’
Story: A group of eight vampires holds a meeting in a secluded farmhouse. But maybe not quite as secluded as they thought, as soldiers and a Vatican official are there to take down a vamp. Maybe they should have planned for more than one… Meanwhile, a human has been invited to the meeting, but what’s his deal? Fear, most likely.
Scares: Chuckles, not creeps.
Splat factor: Meh. Some blood, but deaths are either off-screen or in at least a medium shot.
Closing scene “shocker”?: Nope, though there’s a fun bit right before the end that pulls away from the basic story.
Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: Original, save for some vampire myths.
Trick or Treat?: An action packed horror comedy that feels like a blend of What We Do in the Shadows, Ready or Not, and Dog Soldiers (but with less fur obviously.)
And GAAAAAAH – it’s Freema Agyeman, aka Martha from Doctor Who! I love her! Actually, there are several actors in Locals that I love watching. Daredevil‘s Charlie Cox, the Pirates franchise’s Mackenzie Crook, and Defiance‘s Tony Curran. Good actors equal good fun watching them dig into the genre, and that’s exactly the case here.
As for the vamps, they’re an interesting mix of time honored myth, Kindred: The Embrace’ed/Vampire: The Masquerade hierarchy, with a touch of 30 Days of Night in the teeth. They turn to dust at death, ala Buffy the Vampire Slayer, they’re cold and show up that way on heat vision, and have irises that glow reflectively like cats. The vampy FX is mostly minimalist, and that works for this action-y genre romp.
And there’s a heckuva lot of action here, with soldiers and vamps unloading like Arnold’s Commando on a bender. But there’s plenty of time for deadpan humor, and scrambled expectations. I just wish one particular death – one more chosen than meted out – was given a bit more exposition. Just an extra sentence or two, because I’d come to care about many of these characters.
But I’m not mad. I love a good “who are the real monsters” trope, especially when the answer seems to be both sides ain’t innocent. And the cast does a great job with the script as well as the hard core physical demands of the film. Heck, their “fight consultant” is JASON STATHAM y’all. Seriously.
Even the end credits music is kickass. How can I not enjoy the hell out of this movie? It’s good blam-blam-fangy fun.
Score: 4 out of 5 pumpkins.
“Real estate agents are crazier than zombies these days!”
Story: A strange square chicken monster starts creates zombies. (Just go with it.) So it’s up to two twenty-something idiots to save Hong Kong. Should be a piece of cake.
Scares: More WTF than scary.
Continue reading
Got a dollar to spare? A quarter?
Atomic Fangirl 