Baltimore Screening Pass-palooza: “Keeping Up With the Joneses”!

Posted on October 10, 2016 by Denise

keeping-up-with-the-joneses-posterAlways wondered what the dealio was with your neighbor?  A little too cool, too perfect, too…ESPIONAGE-Y?  Well, that’s what’s up with Keeping Up Wth the Joneses, and I’ve got free passes for you, so you can see what’s going on for yourself.  Synopsis!

An ordinary suburban couple (Zach Galifianakis, Isla Fisher) finds it’s not easy keeping up with the Joneses (Jon Hamm, Gal Gadot) – their impossibly gorgeous and ultra-sophisticated new neighbors – especially when they discover that Mr. and Mrs. “Jones” are covert operatives.

C’mon now; Wonder Woman and Don Draper as next door neighbors?  How could that be anything less than humbling?  With me?  Let’s go!

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Monday Linkdump

Posted on October 10, 2016 by solaana

This one’s short because it’s a damn holiday.

wwstamps

Image via Nerdist

From Nerdist, USPS is coming out with Wonder Woman stamps. YISSSSSSSS.

In case you missed it (HOW), Lin-Manuel hosted SNL this past Saturday and murdered the opening monologue. (Ok, I didn’t watch the whole show – did they ever use Jesus and that llama you see in the background?)

Speaking of New York, at NYCC the BBC aired a first look at the Dr. Who Christmas ep. Getting a headache, I’m so excited.

Brit & Co. has a bunch of suggestions of nail art you can rock for Halloween and I could accomplish exactly zero of these designs.

They also have a post about HP makeup sets. I mean, ok.

Ijeoma Oluo has written the seminal piece on Birth of a Nation. This is the best thing I have ever read on the subject, and y’all know I’ve been looking.

Via Go Fug Yourself, Elle’s got the scoop on some Golden Girls action figures.

Also via GFY, Pajiba has a list of creepy podcasts eps I will not be listening to, thank you very much.

Has everyone seen the video of Stephen Colbert watching Trump talk about grabbing women’s pussies? Because he looks like he’s watching a snuff film. (I mean, it kind of is.)

 

 

 

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#31in31 2016: House of Fears

Posted on October 10, 2016 by Denise

house-of-fears-poster“My insurance doesn’t cover hormones.”

Story: Zane gives his friends a tour of the HoF before it officially opens. But unbeknownst to him, his boss had an African statue delivered. That demon statue was opened, so all mediocre hell breaks loose.  Surprised?

Scares: Really? In this crapfest?

Splat factor: Little to none. Some red but not much.

Closing scene “shocker”?: Sorta. They try, I guess? Meh. Continue reading →

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TrailerWatch: Iron Fist

Posted on October 9, 2016 by solaana

NYCC is the gift that keeps on giving, because the new Iron Fist trailer came out…last night? (I was too busy catching up on The Flash to track exactly when.) But here you go. This year we have certainly suffered from a dearth of stories where a white guy goes to some mysterious Asian locale to become a Master of [insert Asian form of martial art or time travel or what the shit here]. Not ever enough of those.

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#31in31 2016: We Are What We Are

Posted on October 9, 2016 by Denise

we-are-what-we-are-poster“It’s what we do, Rose. We continue.”

Story: Momma goes to town, but dies in a horrible accident. What will daddy and his three kids do? Well, Iris is the oldest. Guess she’ll take over. Better hurry; dinner’s in the basement, and she won’t slaughter herself.

Scares: This has a quiet indie pace, so there’s tons of effective creep, but nothing out and out scary.

Splat factor: Body and blood? Literally. Christianity taken to the Nth degree y’all. It’s no splatterfest, but there are definitely moments of grue, and some effectively stages shots of bloody aftermath. Continue reading →

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#31in31 2016: Wishmaster 2

Posted on October 8, 2016 by Denise

wishmaster-2-poster“All right. I understand. You’ve had a tough day. I can see how this could get a little depressing in here…”

Story: Hey, robbing an art museum sounds like a great idea! Unless you inadvertently release an evil Djinn that kills your boyfriend during your heist. Maybe ask your old buddy the hot priest for help, because that Djinn needs a thousand souls…and he’s gone to prison to find them. Let’s get biblical y’all!

Scares: Only for the newest of newbies to this genre.

Splat factor: Low key  until the climax. Then it’s the usual red syrup & jello FX late 90s low budget horror films love.
Continue reading →

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Ed O’Neill and Hank the Septopus wish you a happy World Septopus Day!

Posted on October 7, 2016 by Denise

Finding Dory Hank World Septopus DayYeah yeah – October 8th  is World Octopus Day.  (8/8…because 8 arms…GET IT?)  But Hank of Finding Dory lost a tentacle.  So he’s got a day just for him: World Septopus Day!

Don’t believe me?  Take it away, voice of Hank, and all-around cool dude, Ed O’Neill!

(Sure, it also draws attention to the Blu-ray release of the film that hits later this month – Oct 23rd, for folks wanting to know – but who doesn’t love cephalopods?)

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TrailerWatch: “Resident Evil: The Final Chapter”

Posted on October 7, 2016 by Denise

resident evil final chapter onesheetHere it is; the first trailer for Resident Evil: The Final Chapter!  (Am I the only one who immediately thinks Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter?  No?  Good.) Synopsis!

Picking up immediately after the events in Resident Evil: Retribution, Alice (Milla Jovovich) is the only survivor of what was meant to be humanity’s final stand against the undead. Now, she must return to where the nightmare began – The Hive in Raccoon City, where the Umbrella Corporation is gathering its forces for a final strike against the only remaining survivors of the apocalypse.

As always Jovovich is in top Bad Bitch form. And it looks like this final entry in the series won’t be watered down in the slightest. GOOD. Resident Evil: The Final Chapter slides into town on January 27th, 2017.

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TrailerWatch: “Underworld: Blood Wars” releases the hounds. And vampires.

Posted on October 7, 2016 by Denise

underworld-blood-wars-poster“There’s nothing stopping her now.”

Awwww YEAH!  Where my Underworld fans at?  Selene is back, baby!  And just in time for my favorite month of the year.  Well, the new trailer for Underworld: Blood Wars is, anyway. But check it out.  Charles Dance (aka Brother Numsie, and sureyeah, Tywin Lannister), Theo James, Outlander/GoT‘s Tobias Menzies… And I’m digging those frosted tips, Selene.  They work, on you. Only you. Synopsis!

Vampire death dealer, Selene (Kate Beckinsale) fights to end the eternal war between the Lycan clan and the Vampire faction that betrayed her.

Sad that Kevin Grevious, my favorite badass UnderWere, won’t be in front of the cameras this go-round.*** But I’ll have to console myself by ogling all the fine, fine costuming.  And ’tis glorious indeed. Underworld: Blood Wars will be ass-kicking its way into theaters January 6th, 2017. Peep this trailer. You know you want to.

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Blade Runner 2 still happening, I guess

Posted on October 7, 2016 by solaana
blade-runner-2049-promo-pic

Image also via Nerdist. Nothing about this picture makes me want to see this movie.

Nerdist has the lowdown. I can’t…really…why. WHY.

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