#31in31 2016: Re-Kill

re-kill-poster“Re-Kill ’em all!”

Story: 5 years after a zombie outbreak that decimated the world was finally under control. Watching armed forces – Re-Kill division – protect, serve, and blow away zombies is now reality TV for the safely fenced in masses. A group of “R Division” soldiers get trapped when a routine mission becomes a flood of Re-Ans. But viewers are told it’s “an isolated incident”…

Scares: Not many. Think videogame storyline rather than spookfest.

Splat factor: See above.

Closing scene “shocker”?: Supposedly.  But it’s just meh. Continue reading

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Yet another article about Tim Burton’s garbage stance on diversity

skellington.gif

Why is TB trying to ruin The Nightmare Before Christmas for me?

So you are probably aware by now that we need to add Tim Burton to the list of folks that maybe should keep their trap shut when it comes to diversity (or, as per usual, the lack thereof). (If not, here you go.) This horse has been beaten to death for sure, but Dela Doll from the Huffington Post, self-professed Tim Burton fangirl, has written an open letter to Tim Burton, taking him to task for his half-assed defense of the ineffable whiteness in all his movies, not least because his movies are about outsiders, which is a pretty solid definition of where a large percentage of PoC in this country find themselves, racially, socially, and economically.(Are dead things usually white? I’ve only seen dead things on screen.Sometimes they’re, like, purple or green.) I personally, would have been satisfied if he’d said something along the lines of “half my characters are dead! Dead things are usually white!” That’s still a garbage excuse, but it’s miles better than “things call for things or they don’t”. I guess that makes me a thing, because I’m calling for diversity in the TV shows and movies that I watch.
It’s an honestly devastating read – obviously, everyone’s fave is going to be problematic in some way or another, but the sense of betrayal in her letter feels more important than any problems I might have with his comments, because his movies were so crucial in her recovery from a suicide attempt. And she can’t be the only one. So really, when Tim Burton makes the kinds of movies he does, but then says shit like this, what he’s really saying is, there is no reason why you should identify with them. These movies were never meant for you, black and brown people.

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Baltimore Screening Pass-palooza: The Accountant!

the-accountant-posterOkay, time to get our free passes on.  Because Wednesday, and why not.  Today it’s Ben Affleck’s latest “I’ma be broody and things” joint, The Accountant.  Synopsis!

Christian Wolff (Ben Affleck) is a math savant with more affinity for numbers than people.  Behind the cover of a small-town CPA office, he works as a freelance accountant for some of the world’s most dangerous criminal organizations.  With the Treasury Department’s Crime Enforcement Division, run by Ray King (J.K. Simmons), starting to close in, Christian takes on a legitimate client: a state-of-the-art robotics company where an accounting clerk (Anna Kendrick) has discovered a discrepancy involving millions of dollars.  But as Christian uncooks the books and gets closer to the truth, it is the body count that starts to rise.

I’ll take anything that allows me to see Simmons strut his considerably talented stuff. You?  Well okay then.  Let’s go… Continue reading

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TrailerWatch: Pitt must see if Cotillard is a spy in “Allied”

Brad Pitt plays Max Vatan and Marion Cotillard plays Marianne Beausejour in Allied from Paramount Pictures.

Brad Pitt plays Max Vatan and Marion Cotillard plays Marianne Beausejour in Allied from Paramount Pictures.

Beautiful people in danger. World War II espionage.  In Allied, things may not be what they seem, at least to Brad Pitt’s Max Vatan.  Synopsis!

“ALLIED” is the story of intelligence officer Max Vatan (Pitt), who in 1942 North Africa encounters French Resistance fighter Marianne Beausejour (Cotillard) on a deadly mission behind enemy lines. Reunited in London, their relationship is threatened by the extreme pressures of the war.

Check out the trailer – it’s gorgeous, and there’s a nice bit of tension as things go from love to mistrust.  Allied opens November 23rd, 2016.

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#31in31 2016: Deathgasm

deathgasm-poster“Wouldn’t it be crazy if the music had something to do with demons?”

Story: Death Metal nerd moves in with his uncle’s family after his mom is committed. Needless to say he doesn’t fit in. That is until he finds a group of fellow misfits and forms a band. First up? Playing that music they found at the house of a metal legend…that glowing pentagram on the page isn’t gonna be a problem, right?

Scares: Not many. This is revenge fantasy gone out of control. Scares take a back seat to sweet, sweet payback…and the resulting chaos. Continue reading

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I don’t even like horror movies D: “Get Out”

Get Out posterYeah what am I even doing here. But! Jordan Peele! From Key & Peele! Wrote one!

Check out the trailer!

[Ed Note: I salute your bravery in the face of terror, Solaana. – Denise]

via Nerdist

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Damn you, Lin-Manuel Miranda

America’s High School Nerd Crush™ Lin-Manuel Miranda was on the Tonight Show last night rapping about Pop Tarts and unicorns AND HARRY POTTER, y’all. Y U DO DIS.

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#HistoryCrushHumpDay: Mary Ann Shadd Cary

I am apparently also all about them hashtags. (I am not about hashtags, I swear.)

mary_ann_shaddIn my family, we eschew the term “spirit animal”, because its current usage is appropriationist garbage (see: Your Spirit Animal Is Here To Take You On Your Vision Quest at The Toast #RIPtheToast). We prefer patronuses. (Patronii?)(We are a very cool family.) And my patronus is Mary Ann Shadd Cary.

If I believed in reincarnation, I, and any other opinionated female of color, would believe that I was her in a past life. Decried at times as shrill in her writings (even by Frederick Douglass yooooo I thought we were cool), she was actually just an educated vagina-haver (of color!) in a time when people owned other people, with opinions she had the audacity to share in numerous writings, including her own freaking newspaper (the first owned by a woman in all of North America, and the first anti-slavery newspaper in Canada). She traveled all over Canada and the U.S. arguing for integrated schools during the Civil War. Also, she recruited for the Union Army, went to various conventions thrown together by abolitionist societies and schooled their punk asses on all kinds of shit, and oh hey by the way, was the second woman to get her law degree in the U.S. At 60 years old. BEAST. MODE. Continue reading

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#TeamDustin for life

Dustin and Lucas from Stranger Things sat down with the folks at the Guardian and continued their charm offensive. Key quote:

C: I think Simba would see Jesus and just hug him anyway, and they’d go off into the sunset. Then go and lay on the beach together.
G: They’d go out for ice-cream. Jesus is not a fighter.

giphy(gif via giphy)

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#31in31 2016: They’re Watching

theyre-watching-poster“…but the folks are much nicer now!”

Story: House Hunters International – or in this film’s case, a knock-off version to please their attorneys – helps big city gal Becky (Brigid Brannagh from Kindred: The Embraced!) find a place in the country.  That country being Moldova.  She buys a place that looks 1 step away from being reclaimed by the wilderness, and the show promises to come back to check on her in 6 months.  Cue update; the camera and production crew of 3 (plus the diva-y show host) come back and see her amazingly refinished home.  But the townspeople don’t seem friendly.  If those pickaxes meany anything.  Is it too late to head to Paris instead?

Scares: Few.  This is a fun rather than frightning jaunt. But there are several scenes that deliver some high-quality creepy.

Splat factor: Um…sorta?  SyFy Channel-level special effects give what could be a totally bloodbath a cheesy feel.  Which is fine if you like cheese. (I do.)

Closing scene “shocker”?: Nay.  But there is a twist around the start of the climactic end scene.  Sharp(ish) eyes could spot this one coming, but it’s still fun.

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: Original, though this film does steal from its betters. Continue reading

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