“My insurance doesn’t cover hormones.”
Story: Zane gives his friends a tour of the HoF before it officially opens. But unbeknownst to him, his boss had an African statue delivered. That demon statue was opened, so all mediocre hell breaks loose. Surprised?
Scares: Really? In this crapfest?
Splat factor: Little to none. Some red but not much.
Closing scene “shocker”?: Sorta. They try, I guess? Meh. Continue reading
NYCC is the gift that keeps on giving, because the new Iron Fist trailer came out…last night? (I was too busy catching up on The Flash to track exactly when.) But here you go. This year we have certainly suffered from a dearth of stories where a white guy goes to some mysterious Asian locale to become a Master of [insert Asian form of martial art or time travel or what the shit here]. Not ever enough of those.
“It’s what we do, Rose. We continue.”
Story: Momma goes to town, but dies in a horrible accident. What will daddy and his three kids do? Well, Iris is the oldest. Guess she’ll take over. Better hurry; dinner’s in the basement, and she won’t slaughter herself.
Scares: This has a quiet indie pace, so there’s tons of effective creep, but nothing out and out scary.
Splat factor: Body and blood? Literally. Christianity taken to the Nth degree y’all. It’s no splatterfest, but there are definitely moments of grue, and some effectively stages shots of bloody aftermath. Continue reading
“All right. I understand. You’ve had a tough day. I can see how this could get a little depressing in here…”
Story: Hey, robbing an art museum sounds like a great idea! Unless you inadvertently release an evil Djinn that kills your boyfriend during your heist. Maybe ask your old buddy the hot priest for help, because that Djinn needs a thousand souls…and he’s gone to prison to find them. Let’s get biblical y’all!
Scares: Only for the newest of newbies to this genre.
Splat factor: Low key until the climax. Then it’s the usual red syrup & jello FX late 90s low budget horror films love.
Continue reading
Yeah yeah – October 8th is World Octopus Day. (8/8…because 8 arms…GET IT?) But Hank of Finding Dory lost a tentacle. So he’s got a day just for him: World Septopus Day!
Don’t believe me? Take it away, voice of Hank, and all-around cool dude, Ed O’Neill!
(Sure, it also draws attention to the Blu-ray release of the film that hits later this month – Oct 23rd, for folks wanting to know – but who doesn’t love cephalopods?)
Here it is; the first trailer for Resident Evil: The Final Chapter! (Am I the only one who immediately thinks Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter? No? Good.) Synopsis!
Picking up immediately after the events in Resident Evil: Retribution, Alice (Milla Jovovich) is the only survivor of what was meant to be humanity’s final stand against the undead. Now, she must return to where the nightmare began – The Hive in Raccoon City, where the Umbrella Corporation is gathering its forces for a final strike against the only remaining survivors of the apocalypse.
As always Jovovich is in top Bad Bitch form. And it looks like this final entry in the series won’t be watered down in the slightest. GOOD. Resident Evil: The Final Chapter slides into town on January 27th, 2017.
“There’s nothing stopping her now.”
Awwww YEAH! Where my Underworld fans at? Selene is back, baby! And just in time for my favorite month of the year. Well, the new trailer for Underworld: Blood Wars is, anyway. But check it out. Charles Dance (aka Brother Numsie, and sureyeah, Tywin Lannister), Theo James, Outlander/GoT‘s Tobias Menzies… And I’m digging those frosted tips, Selene. They work, on you. Only you. Synopsis!
Vampire death dealer, Selene (Kate Beckinsale) fights to end the eternal war between the Lycan clan and the Vampire faction that betrayed her.
Sad that Kevin Grevious, my favorite badass UnderWere, won’t be in front of the cameras this go-round.*** But I’ll have to console myself by ogling all the fine, fine costuming. And ’tis glorious indeed. Underworld: Blood Wars will be ass-kicking its way into theaters January 6th, 2017. Peep this trailer. You know you want to.
Image also via Nerdist. Nothing about this picture makes me want to see this movie.
Nerdist has the lowdown. I can’t…really…why. WHY.
“I don’t need you dead…. I just need you to wish you were.”
Story: Genies (aka Djinn) are awesome right? But not so fast – they’re not Barbara Eden. In fact, if you get a Djinn to give you three wishes and you use that third wish? The Djinn is free, and it’s end of the world time. Cue a Gemologist who polishes the wrong stone, and… Oops.
Scares: Tons of the fun jump variety. The over-the-top retro music score, early CGI, and on-screen low budget explosions adds to the campy fun. The Djinn himself is suitably creepy (even if at first he looks like a big-headed baby Metaluna alien from This Island Earth.)
Splat factor: Lots of fun B-Movie gore FX.
Closing scene “shocker”: Nup. Continue reading
Who doesn’t love puppies? Haters, that’s who. And we hate those people. But we love giveaways, amirite? I’ve got copies of Barbie and Hers Sisters in a Puppy Chase, and I’m dying to give ’em good homes. Synopsis!
Barbie™ and her sisters discover everything’s better when you do it together in this splashy, sun-kissed adventure! After the girls and their pets arrive at an island paradise for Chelsea’s™ big dance competition, they decide to make a quick side trip to see the nearby Dancing Horse Festival. But when their furry friends go missing at the event, it’s up to the sisters to find them before Chelsea’s™ show. While the puppies are out having an adventure of their own, the girls must use their imaginations and work together to find their furry friends in this tail-wagging good time!
The teaser trailer sure looks cute. Do you have a little one who’d love to see Barbie and puppies? Well, right this way… Continue reading
Got a dollar to spare? A quarter?
Atomic Fangirl 