TrailerWatch: “Resident Evil: The Final Chapter”

resident evil final chapter onesheetHere it is; the first trailer for Resident Evil: The Final Chapter!  (Am I the only one who immediately thinks Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter?  No?  Good.) Synopsis!

Picking up immediately after the events in Resident Evil: Retribution, Alice (Milla Jovovich) is the only survivor of what was meant to be humanity’s final stand against the undead. Now, she must return to where the nightmare began – The Hive in Raccoon City, where the Umbrella Corporation is gathering its forces for a final strike against the only remaining survivors of the apocalypse.

As always Jovovich is in top Bad Bitch form. And it looks like this final entry in the series won’t be watered down in the slightest. GOOD. Resident Evil: The Final Chapter slides into town on January 27th, 2017.

Posted in Trailers | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

TrailerWatch: “Underworld: Blood Wars” releases the hounds. And vampires.

underworld-blood-wars-poster“There’s nothing stopping her now.”

Awwww YEAH!  Where my Underworld fans at?  Selene is back, baby!  And just in time for my favorite month of the year.  Well, the new trailer for Underworld: Blood Wars is, anyway. But check it out.  Charles Dance (aka Brother Numsie, and sureyeah, Tywin Lannister), Theo James, Outlander/GoT‘s Tobias Menzies… And I’m digging those frosted tips, Selene.  They work, on you. Only you. Synopsis!

Vampire death dealer, Selene (Kate Beckinsale) fights to end the eternal war between the Lycan clan and the Vampire faction that betrayed her.

Sad that Kevin Grevious, my favorite badass UnderWere, won’t be in front of the cameras this go-round.*** But I’ll have to console myself by ogling all the fine, fine costuming.  And ’tis glorious indeed. Underworld: Blood Wars will be ass-kicking its way into theaters January 6th, 2017. Peep this trailer. You know you want to.

Continue reading

Posted in Trailers | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Blade Runner 2 still happening, I guess

blade-runner-2049-promo-pic

Image also via Nerdist. Nothing about this picture makes me want to see this movie.

Nerdist has the lowdown. I can’t…really…why. WHY.

Posted in Movie News | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

#31in31 – “Wishmaster”

wishmaster-poster“I don’t need you dead…. I just need you to wish you were.”

Story: Genies (aka Djinn) are awesome right? But not so fast – they’re not Barbara Eden. In fact, if you get a Djinn to give you three wishes and you use that third wish? The Djinn is free, and it’s end of the world time. Cue a Gemologist who polishes the wrong stone, and… Oops.

Scares: Tons of the fun jump variety. The over-the-top retro music score, early CGI, and on-screen low budget explosions adds to the campy fun. The Djinn himself is suitably creepy (even if at first he looks like a big-headed baby Metaluna alien from This Island Earth.)

Splat factor: Lots of fun B-Movie gore FX.

Closing scene “shocker”: Nup. Continue reading

Posted in 31 in 31, Movie Reviews | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Blu-ray Giveaway: “Barbie and Her Sisters in a Puppy Chase”!

barbie-puppy-chase-blurayWho doesn’t love puppies?  Haters, that’s who.  And we hate those people.  But we love giveaways, amirite? I’ve got copies of Barbie and Hers Sisters in a Puppy Chase, and I’m dying to give ’em good homes.  Synopsis!

Barbie™ and her sisters discover everything’s better when you do it together in this splashy, sun-kissed adventure!  After the girls and their pets arrive at an island paradise for Chelsea’s™ big dance competition, they decide to make a quick side trip to see the nearby Dancing Horse Festival. But when their furry friends go missing at the event, it’s up to the sisters to find them before Chelsea’s™ show. While the puppies are out having an adventure of their own, the girls must use their imaginations and work together to find their furry friends in this tail-wagging good time!

The teaser trailer sure looks cute.  Do you have a little one who’d love to see Barbie and puppies?  Well, right this way… Continue reading

Posted in Contests & Giveaways | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

#31in31 2016: Re-Kill

re-kill-poster“Re-Kill ’em all!”

Story: 5 years after a zombie outbreak that decimated the world was finally under control. Watching armed forces – Re-Kill division – protect, serve, and blow away zombies is now reality TV for the safely fenced in masses. A group of “R Division” soldiers get trapped when a routine mission becomes a flood of Re-Ans. But viewers are told it’s “an isolated incident”…

Scares: Not many. Think videogame storyline rather than spookfest.

Splat factor: See above.

Closing scene “shocker”?: Supposedly.  But it’s just meh. Continue reading

Posted in 31 in 31, Movie Reviews | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Yet another article about Tim Burton’s garbage stance on diversity

skellington.gif

Why is TB trying to ruin The Nightmare Before Christmas for me?

So you are probably aware by now that we need to add Tim Burton to the list of folks that maybe should keep their trap shut when it comes to diversity (or, as per usual, the lack thereof). (If not, here you go.) This horse has been beaten to death for sure, but Dela Doll from the Huffington Post, self-professed Tim Burton fangirl, has written an open letter to Tim Burton, taking him to task for his half-assed defense of the ineffable whiteness in all his movies, not least because his movies are about outsiders, which is a pretty solid definition of where a large percentage of PoC in this country find themselves, racially, socially, and economically.(Are dead things usually white? I’ve only seen dead things on screen.Sometimes they’re, like, purple or green.) I personally, would have been satisfied if he’d said something along the lines of “half my characters are dead! Dead things are usually white!” That’s still a garbage excuse, but it’s miles better than “things call for things or they don’t”. I guess that makes me a thing, because I’m calling for diversity in the TV shows and movies that I watch.
It’s an honestly devastating read – obviously, everyone’s fave is going to be problematic in some way or another, but the sense of betrayal in her letter feels more important than any problems I might have with his comments, because his movies were so crucial in her recovery from a suicide attempt. And she can’t be the only one. So really, when Tim Burton makes the kinds of movies he does, but then says shit like this, what he’s really saying is, there is no reason why you should identify with them. These movies were never meant for you, black and brown people.

Posted in General Mayhem | Leave a comment

Baltimore Screening Pass-palooza: The Accountant!

the-accountant-posterOkay, time to get our free passes on.  Because Wednesday, and why not.  Today it’s Ben Affleck’s latest “I’ma be broody and things” joint, The Accountant.  Synopsis!

Christian Wolff (Ben Affleck) is a math savant with more affinity for numbers than people.  Behind the cover of a small-town CPA office, he works as a freelance accountant for some of the world’s most dangerous criminal organizations.  With the Treasury Department’s Crime Enforcement Division, run by Ray King (J.K. Simmons), starting to close in, Christian takes on a legitimate client: a state-of-the-art robotics company where an accounting clerk (Anna Kendrick) has discovered a discrepancy involving millions of dollars.  But as Christian uncooks the books and gets closer to the truth, it is the body count that starts to rise.

I’ll take anything that allows me to see Simmons strut his considerably talented stuff. You?  Well okay then.  Let’s go… Continue reading

Posted in Free Screenings | Tagged | Leave a comment

TrailerWatch: Pitt must see if Cotillard is a spy in “Allied”

Brad Pitt plays Max Vatan and Marion Cotillard plays Marianne Beausejour in Allied from Paramount Pictures.

Brad Pitt plays Max Vatan and Marion Cotillard plays Marianne Beausejour in Allied from Paramount Pictures.

Beautiful people in danger. World War II espionage.  In Allied, things may not be what they seem, at least to Brad Pitt’s Max Vatan.  Synopsis!

“ALLIED” is the story of intelligence officer Max Vatan (Pitt), who in 1942 North Africa encounters French Resistance fighter Marianne Beausejour (Cotillard) on a deadly mission behind enemy lines. Reunited in London, their relationship is threatened by the extreme pressures of the war.

Check out the trailer – it’s gorgeous, and there’s a nice bit of tension as things go from love to mistrust.  Allied opens November 23rd, 2016.

Posted in Trailers | Tagged , | Leave a comment

#31in31 2016: Deathgasm

deathgasm-poster“Wouldn’t it be crazy if the music had something to do with demons?”

Story: Death Metal nerd moves in with his uncle’s family after his mom is committed. Needless to say he doesn’t fit in. That is until he finds a group of fellow misfits and forms a band. First up? Playing that music they found at the house of a metal legend…that glowing pentagram on the page isn’t gonna be a problem, right?

Scares: Not many. This is revenge fantasy gone out of control. Scares take a back seat to sweet, sweet payback…and the resulting chaos. Continue reading

Posted in 31 in 31, Movie Reviews | Tagged , , | Leave a comment