“Listen honey, you have to trust me on this. A Christmas wedding will be perfect, something no one would expect.”
– a line said unironically by the future mom-in-law
Where I Watched: Netflix
Genre: Crappy Holiday “Get Happy Dammit” Stories
New Holiday Spirit or Ghost of Christmas Past?: An extremely wobbly riff on It’s A Wonderful Life.
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Looking for more to watch while you’re at home, wrapping prezzies and avoiding strangers? I got you, boo. Synopsis!
A family fights for survival as a planet-killing comet races to Earth. John Garrity (Gerard Butler), his estranged wife Allison (Morena Baccarin), and young son Nathan make a perilous journey to their only hope for sanctuary. Amid terrifying news accounts of cities around the world being leveled by the comet’s fragments, the Garrity’s experience the best and worst in humanity while they battle the increasing panic and lawlessness surrounding them. As the countdown to global apocalypse approaches zero, their incredible trek culminates in a desperate and last-minute flight to a possible safe haven.
Ready? Let’s go…to our sofas!
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“You didn’t serve justice, your honor. I will.”
Where I Watched: Netflix
Genre: Throwback Payback Action
New Holiday Spirit or Ghost of Christmas Past?: Harks back to the uber-violent 70s and 80s action flicks, especially stuff like the Death Wish series.
Synopsis: Riley North loses her husband and daughter on December 21st, when drug lords decide to take them all down for an incorrectly perceived threat. The baddies get off thanks to lots of dirty dealing within the justice system… But five years later, a healed up Riley comes back ready for revenge.
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“Now. What are we gonna watch?”
Where I Watched: Shudder
Genre: Retro-esque Booby-Nekkids Horror
Pedigree: This one’s from Fangoria. It should have been more fun.
Synopsis: In a super thumpy small town, four teenage movie theater ushers (and one hardcore music loving projectionist) stumble on some old exploration films. But watching these movies gets the blood flowing off the screen and into the aisles…
I’ve been stoked about two films coming soon this year: Promising Young Woman, and Songbird. I can’t say if I’ll have passes for the former, but for Songbird? Here they are! Did I mention this film was made during the pandemic? WHOA. Synopsis!
In the terrifying thriller SONGBIRD , the COVID-23 virus has mutated and the world is in its fourth year of lockdown. Infected Americans are ripped from their homes and forced into quarantine camps known as Q-Zones, from which there is no escape, as a few brave souls fight back against the forces of oppression. Amid this dystopian landscape, a fearless courier, Nico (KJ Apa), who’s immune to the deadly pathogen, finds hope and love with Sara (Sofia Carson), though her lockdown prohibits them from physical contact. When Sara is believed to have become infected, Nico races desperately across the barren streets of Los Angeles in search of the only thing that can save her from imprisonment … or worse.
Ready? Let’s…stay in!
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“You’re gonna fit in great around here. Clearly, you like giving orders.”
Genre: Armed Forces Holiday Luuuuurve
New Holiday Spirit or Ghost of Christmas Past?: Based on the real life Operation Christmas Drop by the US Air Force, a tradition since 1952.
Synopsis: Erica is a congressional assistant with her eyes on a possible Chief of Staff slot. So when her boss, Congresswoman Bradford, sends Erica to Guam to check out a base’s well known Christmas Drop (and see about closing the base)? Well, a cute Captain wasn’t part of the deal. Neither was getting her heartstrings tugged by the Drop. Will love blossom, and a base be saved? Are you new to this genre?
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“You don’t stream in 4k? That’s ghetto.”
Where I Watched: Shudder
Genre: Posession Horror, Faked Til It Wasn’t Fake Anymore Cautionary Tales
Pedigree: Based on the 2016 short film by the same director.
Synopsis: Drew and his BFF Max make fake exorcism videos that stream live on YouTube. But one night the fake gets a little too real. Why’d a real possession have to happen when Drew’s fiancée steps in as last-minute talent?
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Genre: animated dramatic short
Watched on: Netflix
Welcome to the winner of this year’s Best Animated Short Film.
When their daughter is killed in a school shooting, her parents struggle to make it through the day, every day. Oh my God this is a gut punch to the heart. Beautiful, poignant, and a hell of a lot of power in twelve incredible minutes. Creators Michael Govier and Will McCormack crafted an intimate look at the aftermath of senseless murder, and it’s an instant classic.
Gorgeous visuals use a minimalist look to laser focus on the feelings of the parents left behind to pick up the pieces. Beautiful songs by Lindsay Marcus lend the perfect balance of beauty to the painful story. Déjà vu as this film unwinds? You’re not crazy; during the Parkland shootings, kids in the school texted their parents.
Watch this immediately. If you cry, that’s okay, you’re not alone. And if don’t mist up at least once, you’re dead inside. My heart breaks for you.
Because what’s turkey day without Alice’s Restaurant, Mashed Potato Popcorn, and Rubber Biscuit? Have a great day – and Thanks everso!
“We should move in together!” – spoken less than five minutes after a first kiss
Where I Watched: Amazon Prime
Genre: WTF Holiday “Romance”
New Holiday Spirit or Ghost of Christmas Past?: It’s definitely…a thing.
Synopsis: Holly (because Christmas story, get it? GET IT) is a perfectionist in all aspects of her life. How do we know that? Because she’s young happens to work very hard at her job, while still maintaining a BFF and going out on the regular. But she’s ignoring the cute nice guy Milo in her office. She’s obviously in need of an attitude adjustment. Cue a fall on the ice, and a meet cute with a “perfect” guy. Hey, wasn’t there a male manequin in that shop window just a second ago?
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Got a dollar to spare? A quarter?
Atomic Fangirl 