Wayback Review: “The Haunted Mansion”

Posted on November 1, 2019 by Denise
A little something for All Saints Day… Originally published in 2003 at The Green Man Review!

Ghosts. You can’t live with ’em, you can’t just throw ’em out on the street.

Jim and Sara Evers are husband and wife. They are also the sole employees of Evers & Evers real estate (their sales line: “we want our clients to be happy for Evers and Evers!”) The problem is, Jim can’t seem to leave work at the office, so his wife and two kids, Michael and Megan, are alone on almost every important family function. When Sara gets a call asking her to visit a stately manor with the intention of listing it as a sale property, Jim jumps at the chance, even though it coincides with their weekend at the lake.

Continue reading →

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“Jojo Rabbit”

Posted on October 31, 2019 by Denise

“Be the rabbit!”

Story: Jojo Beltzler is ten years old, loves his mom, and has an imaginary best friend. Awwww, right? Well, his imaginary best friend is Adolph Hitler, and Jojo is a member of the Hitlerjugend. So…kinda not so aw. But when Jojo finds a young Jewish woman – hidden in their house by his mother – he has to re-think his world view. It’s gonna take some time though.

Genre I’d put it in: Satirical Historical Adaptations

Remake, Sequel, Based-On, or Original: Based on Christine Leunen’s book Caging Skies. Continue reading →

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#31in31 2019 – “Zombieland: Double Tap”

Posted on October 31, 2019 by Denise

“Why not go big and go home?”

Story: It’s been ten years, and our foursome has turned into a real family. With all the snarking, insecurities and plain-old butt-pain moments that entails. Good thing the zombies haven’t mutated, causing some to become really, really hard to kill! Oh wait…

Scares: More fun than fearsome.

Splat factor: As Columbus suggests, “you might wanna set the Milk Duds down for this one.”

Closing scene “shocker”?: Nope, but there are two fun end credits scenes worth sticking all the way around for. Continue reading →

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Baltimore Screening Pass-palooza: “Doctor Sleep”!

Posted on October 30, 2019 by Denise

Ready to see what little Danny Torrance has gotten up to after he and his mom fled the Overlook? Well, I’ve got passes! Synopsis!

“Doctor Sleep” is the continuation of Danny Torrance’s story 40 years after the terrifying events of Stephen King’s The Shining. Still irrevocably scarred by the trauma he endured as a child at the Overlook, Dan Torrance has fought to find some semblance of peace. But that peace is shattered when he encounters Abra, a courageous teenager with her own powerful extrasensory gift, known as the “shine.” Instinctively recognizing that Dan shares her power, Abra has sought him out, desperate for his help against the merciless Rose the Hat and her followers, The True Knot, who feed off the shine of innocents in their quest for immortality. Forming an unlikely alliance, Dan and Abra engage in a brutal life-or-death battle with Rose. Abra’s innocence and fearless embrace of her shine compel Dan to call upon his own powers as never before—at once facing his fears and reawakening the ghosts of the past.

Ready? Let’s go! Continue reading →

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#31in31 2019 – “Eerie”

Posted on October 30, 2019 by Denise

“They’re afraid of me. Why aren’t you?”

Story: A Catholic girls school with a tragic past. A new guidance counselor who is determined to help the children she sees. All of them. Even the dead ones.

Scares: Plenty of chills.

Splat factor: A bit of blood, and some ghoulish apparitions.

Closing scene “shocker”?: Nope.

Remake, Sequel or OG (Original Ghoul)?: Original.

Trick or Treat?: A blend of modern Gothic and Asian horror, this Filipino ghost story is a great dark, rainy day watch. Echoing films like The Changeling and Ghost Story, the focus is on the mystery of the goings on, and how it affects everyone at Sta Lucia school.

Writer/director Mikhail Red takes his time letting the story unfold, focusing on the empty, echoing halls of the school, and the haunted “Comfort Room”‘s state of disrepair. Bea Alonzo plays Miss Pat, the psychically gifted  guidance counselor barely older than her charges, with a quiet determination. Add in plenty of creepy – and tragic – ghostly visions, and Eerie is well worth your time if you’re looking for a slow burn that you can really sink into.

Score: 4.5 out of 5 pumpkins.

 

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“Motherless Brooklyn” – normcore noir pulled off nicely

Posted on October 29, 2019 by Denise

“D, you’re the tits!”

Story: Lionel Essrog has one hell of a brain. His ability to remember things is practically photographic. But his Tourette syndrome makes connecting with others rough in 1950s NYC. So when his mentor and father-figure Frank gets gunned down, Lionel is determined to find out why, and get some payback.

Genre I’d put it in: Successful Adaptations

Remake, Sequel, Based-On, or Original: Based on Jonathan Lethem’s award winning novel of the same name. Continue reading →

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#31in31 2019 – Real Lawyer Reacts to “The Exorcism of Emily Rose” – Demons or Negligence?

Posted on October 29, 2019 by Denise

Great movie. Great YouTube channel. Two great tastes? Absolutely. Add in Halloween hijinks – and a fabulous orange tie I’m absolutely in love with – and it’s a great way to end a viewing of this excellent film. Or you can watch this vid solo. But do watch the film first. It’s great. And check out more Legal Eagle vids if you’re into breaking down media’s portrayal of all things lawyer-y (IT’S A WORD.) They’re great too.

BTW, the film is based on real events. Pleasant dreams!

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Columbia Screening Pass-palooza – “Terminator: Dark Fate”!

Posted on October 28, 2019 by Denise

She’ll be back…tomorrow! And I’ve got passes! Synopsis!

Linda Hamilton (“Sarah Connor”) and Arnold Schwarzenegger (“T-800”) return in their iconic roles in Terminator: Dark Fate, directed by Tim Miller (Deadpool) and produced by visionary filmmaker James Cameron and David Ellison. Following the events of Terminator 2: Judgment Day, Terminator: Dark Fate also stars Mackenzie Davis, Natalia Reyes, Gabriel Luna and Diego Boneta.

Ready? Let’s go!

Continue reading →

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#31in31 2019 – “RiffTrax: Gamera the Invincible”

Posted on October 28, 2019 by Denise

“And also Batman!”

Story: A little boy named Kenny Toshiro loves his little turtle. Then a big turtle comes to town. A really, really big turtle. And hey, that turtle brought the RiffTrax crew! Yay!

Scares: It’s scary how much fun you’ll have watching this.

Splat factor: Zippo. Continue reading →

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#31in31 2019 – “Sadako vs Kayako”

Posted on October 27, 2019 by Denise

“Obviously I’m not okay!”

Story: Let’s get ready to rumble! In this corner Sadako, aka The Cursed Video killer from Ringu! In the other, Kayako the revenge killer from Ju On! In between, two young girls who found that damn tape. *ding ding*

Scares: Lots of chills.

Splat factor: Barely anything. A pool of blood, and a few dead cursed folks. Continue reading →

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